Riders of the Midnight Sun (f+/f+) Chapter 20 Posted 2024-04-08
Great continuation indeed! You seem to be a good world builder, without over presenting. I'm excited to read more of your work
I believe you would be a lot more comfortable in ropes
Intresting new chapter, like the digs you are takeing at pay to win systems... Curious how this will continue.
Thanks, everyone! It actually wasn't my intention to make any particular statement about pay-to-win games, but it's more about what people take out from the story than what the author puts in. =P I'm glad that people are finding something in the story to relate to.
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Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!
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Chapter 4
"I could help you with that, if you untied me," suggested Singing Laura.
"I took out your gag so you could drink, not so you could talk," retorted Smiling Reilly irritably. At this point, there were only a few people left in the cantina. The boy had finally finished the exhausting task of carting half of his prisoners to the Sheriff's Office and turned the loyal customers loose. Now, all that remained was the girls who were not mentioned in his sister's notes and didn't have a bounty on their heads. Showing consideration and hospitality, he had moved them one at a time to tie them to the plush chairs around the tables.
He managed to dig up a few bottles of untainted beverages and offered them for sale to his captive customer base. Singing Laura now sat with a glass of lemonade in front of her with a straw that she could just reach with her lips. Her account balance was a few silver bits lighter as a result. So far, she was the only one to take him up on his offer.
Singing Laura took a sip and watched silently as the boy walked around the cantina straightening chairs and flipping overturned tables back right-side-up. Her stomach twisted in worry over her missing friend, but she didn't dare say that out loud. It wasn't clear to her what she could do even if she hadn't been tied up… maybe relay the news to Clever Anne. But there was no chance of that happening now, which was almost a relief. She tried her best to remind herself that there was nothing she could do, so she might as well enjoy herself.
"My sister's really going to owe me for this," muttered Smiling Reilly, "Can't wait to get back to my own game…"
"Right… it was called Razor Fang, right?" asked Singing Laura, "I think I saw it when I was registering for AISPA the other day. It looked kind of cool…"
Smiling Reilly sat down across from her and rested his elbows on the table. "I thought it looked scary when I first saw it," he confessed, "But then my sister said the same thing, and that's when I knew I wanted to try it. I'll take giant, ferocious, beasts over horse girls any day!"
Singing Laura gave an exaggerated huff of indignation. "Hey, you're not the one being held hostage just for trying to have a drink!" she said, smiling, to a few muffled chuckles from the other girls. The bound girl sighed, "I'm sorry about what happened with my friend… she's not usually like that. I mean, I've only known here a couple of days, but she was really nice about teaching me about the game…"
"Don't care. Going to be out of here in a few days." Smiling Reilly answered. He leaned forward, curious. "You said a moment ago that you only registered for AISPA the other day?"
"Yeah. My family just moved to Polaris. We were living in Dublin before that."
"Really? I've never left Polaris. Only even visited the surface a couple of times," replied Smiling Reilly, "No wonder you're wearing that beginner outfit. My sister bought me these clothes before she left." He gestured to his own outfit, consisting of a black waistcoat over a white collared shirt. His legs were covered in dark gray breeches over black leather dress shoes. On his tousled light hair sat a newsboy cap. "Said that looking cute would pay for itself. Guess she was right…"
"Mmmph mmmph," one of the bound girls said. She raised a finger of her bound hands.
"You want something?" asked Smiling Reilly. The girl nodded. "Ok, I'm taking your gag out. You can order. But any more trouble from you and it goes back in, ok?"
---
It wasn't long before most of the girls had decided to order. Only two girls seemed to think it was better to stay gagged and alone than to join the conversation. The rest of the group was enthralled by Smiling Reilly's story, or at least were willing to fake it. He had moved them into a small half-circle to face him while he sat on the counter.
"The first thing you see is the birds. Flapping and squawking… they come out in such a huge swarm that they block out the sun and make it seem like the sun is setting early."
Singing Laura had noticed a distinct change in him. As reluctant as he had seemed at first, he seemed to genuinely enjoy himself while he was binding and ordering around this second group of more cooperative captives. But he really seemed to get animated when she asked him more about the game he transferred from.
"Then, the land animals come. If you're not a tree by then, you can easily get trampled. Then you feel the ground shake. Hear the cracking of wood and the pounding of gargantuan feet on the ground. There it is. The terrorsaur. Taller than this entire building and at least half as wide, staring at you with its gigantic eyes and pushing through trees like they were grass, leaving destruction with every step."
"What did you do?" asked one girl, wide-eyed.
"I killed it," the boy answered, "with my club."
"Really?!"
"Yeah. There were about twelve of us at the time. Me and a few of the others stayed in the trees, wearing it down with darts and arrows, while the rest of the boys climbed on to it and went after its weak spots with stone axes and spears. It took a long time, and half of us were crushed when it whipped us with its tail, but we got it down in the end. We were able to completely revamp our clubhouse with what we got for trading the hides and bones, and the meat lasted us a week. We still have the skull hanging up as a trophy."
He lowered his voice to a whisper, ensuring that only the girls circled around him could hear. "If any of you ever decide to give the game a try, look me up. My name there is River Bite-Reed"
Last edited by Shotrow 1 year ago, edited 1 time in total.
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(Bit of a slower chapter with more exposition. Hope that's not too disappointing. We'll get back to Sweet Becky and Shy Sarah next chapter.
)
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Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!
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I'm still completely with the story, bit of a change of pace indeed, but certainly not a bad chapter
I believe you would be a lot more comfortable in ropes
- Mineira1986
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 619
- Joined: 4 years ago
While I have to admit, my desire is to find out what happened to Sweet Becky and Shy Laura, this is a nice chapter for telling us more about the world.
Also, we find out what had happened to Singing Laura. Smiling Reilly looks like a reasonable fellow: keeping his costumers tied up so there is no more trouble. Good thinking, boy!
Also, we find out what had happened to Singing Laura. Smiling Reilly looks like a reasonable fellow: keeping his costumers tied up so there is no more trouble. Good thinking, boy!
Nice continuation. I liked how they discussed their lives outside of the game. It made the characters a lot more human. Also, the entire universe behind the game seems to be working although it is likely difficult to describe from a kid's perspective.
The Tangled Maiden completed
Bound to be Dared May 12th
Spy Camp May 16th
All My Stories On This Site
Bound to be Dared May 12th
Spy Camp May 16th
All My Stories On This Site
Intresting chapter providing lots of worldbuilding for what may to come in the future...
Hello [mention]Shotrow[/mention] - finally found time to read your story - and I like it really much: The setting, the style, the characters and of course the names of your characters - I am curious where you take this story next ![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
[mention]Ovi1[/mention] Thanks! I'm glad you like it
[mention]Mineira1986[/mention] Yep. Seems like a reasonable precaution. The business model may become mainstream in the future.
Not to worry, we'll get back to them soon.
[mention]Beaumains[/mention] Yeah, you can thank Ovi1's comment for inspiring me to develop the real world of the story a little more. I'm still trying to figure out how to blend the worlds together a little more, but at least they can talk about it now.
[mention]Helena14[/mention] Maybe. :3
[mention]Caesar73[/mention] Ave. Glad you enjoyed it, hope to continue soon!
[mention]Mineira1986[/mention] Yep. Seems like a reasonable precaution. The business model may become mainstream in the future.
Not to worry, we'll get back to them soon.
[mention]Beaumains[/mention] Yeah, you can thank Ovi1's comment for inspiring me to develop the real world of the story a little more. I'm still trying to figure out how to blend the worlds together a little more, but at least they can talk about it now.
[mention]Helena14[/mention] Maybe. :3
[mention]Caesar73[/mention] Ave. Glad you enjoyed it, hope to continue soon!
![Image](https://i.imgur.com/F28pgiX.png)
Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!
Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
(Sorry this took so long)
They were far from the main highway through the forest, down one of the many winding side paths that fractured the Brightleaf Forest. It would not be easy to find their way back after marching here blindfolded. Sweet Becky had once seen another player’s attempt at mapping out the forest, and it looked like someone’s fingerprint. She had heard of all sorts of weirdos living down the shrouded paths, and Wild Nellie was evidence that at least some of those stories were true.
The place where the two girls were being held was technically a ranch but an unusual one. It was small, just a large clearing. The only shelter was a small cave dug into the side of a hill. The captives sat back-to-back in the innermost part of the tunnel, among several wooden crates and burlap sacks. Two of Wild Nellie’s wolves, a black one and a red one, lay near the entrance among a small pile of fish bones and half-eaten taiyaki. Sweet Becky didn’t expect them to be much of a threat without their owner. The game’s animal AI was sophisticated, but it probably wouldn’t be able to understand an instruction as complex as “guard these prisoners” without being specifically trained to do it.
It wasn’t long before the sound of hoof beats echoed against the cave walls. Their captor had returned. Sweet Becky had spent much of her time marching here trying to come up with a way to spin the story that would make her look good, but at this point, she wondered if she was ever going to get a chance to make her case. On the journey here, Wild Nellie seemed more interested in talking about her wolves than the matter she had appointed herself to judge, and neither of her captives had been ungagged even once.
“Still there?” the forest queen called from the cave entrance. She crouched down and petted her two wolves as she spoke. “I checked with the forest sheriff’s office… seems like you’ve both done bad things, but not here. I never leave the forest, so I won’t be claiming either of your bounties. But don’t worry, I have another idea for how to solve this.”
Wild Nellie stepped towards the back of the cave and crouched to cut the red and silver ropes binding the two girls together, leaving only their arms tied. She stood them up roughly and walked them towards the cave entrance. “I wasn’t sure what to do at first. I don’t talk to many people, so I’m not really good at knowing who’s good and bad and stuff. Luckily, Diego reminded me that nature doesn’t care about who’s right and wrong. It’s all about survival of the fit.”
Sweet Becky found herself standing side-by-side with Shy Sarah. The bounty hunter’s eyes darted between her quarry and her captor. “Here’s how it’s going to work,“ explained Wild Nellie, “Me, Vengeance, and Athena are going to hunt you. Just the two of us to make it fair. She’s new, so she needs the hunting practice.”
“You’re going to have to stay tied and gagged so I know you don’t cheat by calling your horses. This is about you. But to make it fair, I’ll give you a 10 minute head start. Here are the rules. The first one I catch I’ll give to the other one of you and let her go free. But only if she manages to outrun me for 30 minutes after we start. If I catch both of you before then, I’ll be giving you both to the next person I see passing through the forest. Doesn’t that sound fair? Good. Start running when I fire in the air,” Wild Nellie said, “And I’ll fire again when I’ve started chasing you.” She circled around the bound girls as she talked.
Sweet Becky bit her gag nervously. It wasn’t necessary to leave them gagged… you needed your hands free to whistle for your horse. Sweet Becky wasn’t sure if Wild Nellie didn’t know this or intentionally ignored it as part of her sick game. She couldn’t get a read on the strange girl at all. But it didn’t seem like she had any choice but to play her game.
A glance at Shy Sarah made Sweet Becky think the bounty hunter had come to the same conclusion. Then, in a moment, a crescent moon exploded from the barrel of Wild Nellie’s carbine. Both girls took off running immediately, side-by-side until they arrived at the treeline and split off into separate directions. Sweet Becky grimaced as tree branches seemed to whip at her body as she charged through the placid forest.
Sweet Becky slowed down as soon as her pursuer was out of sight. She would need to conserve her energy. She pushed through the woods for another 20 paces until she found herself on another trail.
Sweet Becky maintained a brisk walk down the trail. She needed a plan and fast. There was no realistic way she could outrun a mounted girl with a tracking pet on foot with her arms bound for 30 minutes. But this was the chance she was looking for. If she could somehow get her arms free… well, that would open up her options considerably. But there was no way she could free herself while on the move. Could she risk stopping to struggle out of her bondage?
She hadn’t heard Wild Nellie’s shot signaling the start of the hunt yet. Maybe she would go after Shy Sarah first. Maybe Sweet Becky could find a hiding place that would keep her safe for at least a few minutes… there were a lot of “maybes,” but Sweet Becky decided to take the gamble as soon as she spotted a small cabin by the side of the trail.
The bound girl ran to the dilapidated door of the shack and kicked it. It swung open with a creak. “Mmph?” Sweet Becky flinched with surprise when she realized she wasn’t alone. Three girls in the uniforms of the Summer Campers watched her enter and immediately began struggling in their bonds and mmphing to get her attention. One was tied to a support post near the door. Another was curled up in a lidless wooden crate. The last was tied spread-eagle to a rickety old bedframe.
Sweet Becky slammed the door shut with her butt and tried her hardest to think. She didn’t like the Summer Campers… no one did, really… but unlike Shy Sarah, they weren’t after her in particular. If she set them free, they could throw off the chase… without another moment of hesitation, she pinched at the knot binding the pole-tied girl and pulled it loose. The girl quickly shook off the rope and untied her gag, pulling out the stuffing with a sputter.
“Mmmph!” Sweet Becky protested in annoyance as the girl made no movement to free her, running to help her companions first. Before long, all three of the Summer Campers were untied.
“Did anyone see what she did with Lovely Alma?” the formerly pole-tied girl asked her companions. Both of them shook their heads in denial. “Fine, call your horses, we’ll look for the others at HQ.”
One-by-one, each of the three girls raised her hands to her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Their mounts would hear them from anywhere in the game world. Sweet Becky mmphed furiously and pushed up against the girl she freed. The ungrateful girl scowled but untied her, letting the ropes fall to the floor. Sweet Becky pulled off her gag and bit her tongue, trying not to provoke the bandit girl.
By now, the sound of hoof beats thundered outside. One of the bandits opened the door up a crack. “It’s Chocopie… I can see Dolphin coming too,” she reported.
“Alright, you’re with me,” said the girl who was apparently the leader, pointing to one of the others, “We’ll find Grasshopper later. Let’s go.”
“Wait!” pleaded Sweet Becky, “Take me with you!”
“Don’t push your luck,” came the retort, “We already did you one favor. We’re even.”
Sweet Becky simply pouted and glared. In another moment, the bandits were gone. Sweet Becky knew she had stayed in one place for too long and quickly began gathering up every bit of the crimson-and-silver rope she could find on the cabin floor. She carefully propped the door open with the crate that one of the girls had been trapped in, wanting to make it clear to Wild Nellie that her prisoners had escaped should she find this place, and ran towards the trees behind the cabin.
Traveling through the woods was much easier now that she could push the branches out of the way. Her first thought was to whistle for Briar, but she knew it was pointless. Briar was too far away, and it would take hours for her to get here. She would stop running as soon as Sweet Becky moved to another location. Sweet Becky would have to find a way to survive without her horse or her charm shooter, and with only a few scraps of rope in lieu of her magic lasso.
Chapter 5
Sweet Becky found herself tied back to back with her former captor. Her fingers brushed against the knot binding Shy Sarah’s wrists. Sweet Becky could easily untie it. And the other girl could easily untie Sweet Becky’s wrists. But despite muffled demands, neither one of them was willing to risk being the first one to release the other. Sweet Becky counted this as a small win; the more time they wasted here, the better the chances of the reset hitting before the bounty hunter could complete her mission.They were far from the main highway through the forest, down one of the many winding side paths that fractured the Brightleaf Forest. It would not be easy to find their way back after marching here blindfolded. Sweet Becky had once seen another player’s attempt at mapping out the forest, and it looked like someone’s fingerprint. She had heard of all sorts of weirdos living down the shrouded paths, and Wild Nellie was evidence that at least some of those stories were true.
The place where the two girls were being held was technically a ranch but an unusual one. It was small, just a large clearing. The only shelter was a small cave dug into the side of a hill. The captives sat back-to-back in the innermost part of the tunnel, among several wooden crates and burlap sacks. Two of Wild Nellie’s wolves, a black one and a red one, lay near the entrance among a small pile of fish bones and half-eaten taiyaki. Sweet Becky didn’t expect them to be much of a threat without their owner. The game’s animal AI was sophisticated, but it probably wouldn’t be able to understand an instruction as complex as “guard these prisoners” without being specifically trained to do it.
It wasn’t long before the sound of hoof beats echoed against the cave walls. Their captor had returned. Sweet Becky had spent much of her time marching here trying to come up with a way to spin the story that would make her look good, but at this point, she wondered if she was ever going to get a chance to make her case. On the journey here, Wild Nellie seemed more interested in talking about her wolves than the matter she had appointed herself to judge, and neither of her captives had been ungagged even once.
“Still there?” the forest queen called from the cave entrance. She crouched down and petted her two wolves as she spoke. “I checked with the forest sheriff’s office… seems like you’ve both done bad things, but not here. I never leave the forest, so I won’t be claiming either of your bounties. But don’t worry, I have another idea for how to solve this.”
Wild Nellie stepped towards the back of the cave and crouched to cut the red and silver ropes binding the two girls together, leaving only their arms tied. She stood them up roughly and walked them towards the cave entrance. “I wasn’t sure what to do at first. I don’t talk to many people, so I’m not really good at knowing who’s good and bad and stuff. Luckily, Diego reminded me that nature doesn’t care about who’s right and wrong. It’s all about survival of the fit.”
Sweet Becky found herself standing side-by-side with Shy Sarah. The bounty hunter’s eyes darted between her quarry and her captor. “Here’s how it’s going to work,“ explained Wild Nellie, “Me, Vengeance, and Athena are going to hunt you. Just the two of us to make it fair. She’s new, so she needs the hunting practice.”
“You’re going to have to stay tied and gagged so I know you don’t cheat by calling your horses. This is about you. But to make it fair, I’ll give you a 10 minute head start. Here are the rules. The first one I catch I’ll give to the other one of you and let her go free. But only if she manages to outrun me for 30 minutes after we start. If I catch both of you before then, I’ll be giving you both to the next person I see passing through the forest. Doesn’t that sound fair? Good. Start running when I fire in the air,” Wild Nellie said, “And I’ll fire again when I’ve started chasing you.” She circled around the bound girls as she talked.
Sweet Becky bit her gag nervously. It wasn’t necessary to leave them gagged… you needed your hands free to whistle for your horse. Sweet Becky wasn’t sure if Wild Nellie didn’t know this or intentionally ignored it as part of her sick game. She couldn’t get a read on the strange girl at all. But it didn’t seem like she had any choice but to play her game.
A glance at Shy Sarah made Sweet Becky think the bounty hunter had come to the same conclusion. Then, in a moment, a crescent moon exploded from the barrel of Wild Nellie’s carbine. Both girls took off running immediately, side-by-side until they arrived at the treeline and split off into separate directions. Sweet Becky grimaced as tree branches seemed to whip at her body as she charged through the placid forest.
Sweet Becky slowed down as soon as her pursuer was out of sight. She would need to conserve her energy. She pushed through the woods for another 20 paces until she found herself on another trail.
Sweet Becky maintained a brisk walk down the trail. She needed a plan and fast. There was no realistic way she could outrun a mounted girl with a tracking pet on foot with her arms bound for 30 minutes. But this was the chance she was looking for. If she could somehow get her arms free… well, that would open up her options considerably. But there was no way she could free herself while on the move. Could she risk stopping to struggle out of her bondage?
She hadn’t heard Wild Nellie’s shot signaling the start of the hunt yet. Maybe she would go after Shy Sarah first. Maybe Sweet Becky could find a hiding place that would keep her safe for at least a few minutes… there were a lot of “maybes,” but Sweet Becky decided to take the gamble as soon as she spotted a small cabin by the side of the trail.
The bound girl ran to the dilapidated door of the shack and kicked it. It swung open with a creak. “Mmph?” Sweet Becky flinched with surprise when she realized she wasn’t alone. Three girls in the uniforms of the Summer Campers watched her enter and immediately began struggling in their bonds and mmphing to get her attention. One was tied to a support post near the door. Another was curled up in a lidless wooden crate. The last was tied spread-eagle to a rickety old bedframe.
Sweet Becky slammed the door shut with her butt and tried her hardest to think. She didn’t like the Summer Campers… no one did, really… but unlike Shy Sarah, they weren’t after her in particular. If she set them free, they could throw off the chase… without another moment of hesitation, she pinched at the knot binding the pole-tied girl and pulled it loose. The girl quickly shook off the rope and untied her gag, pulling out the stuffing with a sputter.
“Mmmph!” Sweet Becky protested in annoyance as the girl made no movement to free her, running to help her companions first. Before long, all three of the Summer Campers were untied.
“Did anyone see what she did with Lovely Alma?” the formerly pole-tied girl asked her companions. Both of them shook their heads in denial. “Fine, call your horses, we’ll look for the others at HQ.”
One-by-one, each of the three girls raised her hands to her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Their mounts would hear them from anywhere in the game world. Sweet Becky mmphed furiously and pushed up against the girl she freed. The ungrateful girl scowled but untied her, letting the ropes fall to the floor. Sweet Becky pulled off her gag and bit her tongue, trying not to provoke the bandit girl.
By now, the sound of hoof beats thundered outside. One of the bandits opened the door up a crack. “It’s Chocopie… I can see Dolphin coming too,” she reported.
“Alright, you’re with me,” said the girl who was apparently the leader, pointing to one of the others, “We’ll find Grasshopper later. Let’s go.”
“Wait!” pleaded Sweet Becky, “Take me with you!”
“Don’t push your luck,” came the retort, “We already did you one favor. We’re even.”
Sweet Becky simply pouted and glared. In another moment, the bandits were gone. Sweet Becky knew she had stayed in one place for too long and quickly began gathering up every bit of the crimson-and-silver rope she could find on the cabin floor. She carefully propped the door open with the crate that one of the girls had been trapped in, wanting to make it clear to Wild Nellie that her prisoners had escaped should she find this place, and ran towards the trees behind the cabin.
Traveling through the woods was much easier now that she could push the branches out of the way. Her first thought was to whistle for Briar, but she knew it was pointless. Briar was too far away, and it would take hours for her to get here. She would stop running as soon as Sweet Becky moved to another location. Sweet Becky would have to find a way to survive without her horse or her charm shooter, and with only a few scraps of rope in lieu of her magic lasso.
![Image](https://i.imgur.com/F28pgiX.png)
Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!
Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
No need to apologize about taking a bit longer. I have not yet forgotten!
I liked this part. Again, an entire different chapter. Now the video game has turned into a true game (but the story is still consistent). This is quite a wild night for Becky.
I liked this part. Again, an entire different chapter. Now the video game has turned into a true game (but the story is still consistent). This is quite a wild night for Becky.
The Tangled Maiden completed
Bound to be Dared May 12th
Spy Camp May 16th
All My Stories On This Site
Bound to be Dared May 12th
Spy Camp May 16th
All My Stories On This Site
Indeed no reason to apologize
Things take time ![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
Having said that: I liked the scenario of this chapter very much, a good old fashioned man-hunt and Sweet-Becky is not out of the woods so to speak![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
Having said that: I liked the scenario of this chapter very much, a good old fashioned man-hunt and Sweet-Becky is not out of the woods so to speak
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
- Mineira1986
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 619
- Joined: 4 years ago
Nice, nice, nice!
There are so many things to mention here:
- First, the idea of people joining the Happy Trails game as a escape from real world. But man, that means many things. At first we saw people joining for the horses, the pets, the ranches, for bounty hunt... Now we have people who join just to wander around, alone, trying to not get disturbed. Love it, as it diversifies the possibilities in this world.
- The contest between Sweet Becky and Shy Sarah. Great idea. I was expecting an interrogation from Wild Nellie, but this makes much more sense. She knows she doesn't have the social skills to find out the truth, so she settles for something she knows better. Simple and clever way to settle this matter.
- Sweet Becky was lucky to find out the Summer Campers. And that they untied her as well. I guess there is some honor among the girls.
Great work!
There are so many things to mention here:
- First, the idea of people joining the Happy Trails game as a escape from real world. But man, that means many things. At first we saw people joining for the horses, the pets, the ranches, for bounty hunt... Now we have people who join just to wander around, alone, trying to not get disturbed. Love it, as it diversifies the possibilities in this world.
- The contest between Sweet Becky and Shy Sarah. Great idea. I was expecting an interrogation from Wild Nellie, but this makes much more sense. She knows she doesn't have the social skills to find out the truth, so she settles for something she knows better. Simple and clever way to settle this matter.
- Sweet Becky was lucky to find out the Summer Campers. And that they untied her as well. I guess there is some honor among the girls.
Great work!
Thanks everyone for the comments!
[mention]Mineira1986[/mention] Thanks! I tried my best to make this world neither utopian nor dystopian. It's an organized and peaceful society outside of the game, but it can feel stifling and there are still some people who just don't fit in.
I'm considering something that I'd like everyone's input on. Maybe, in order to show more of the real world, I'll start each chapter with a "day in the life" of one of the characters. Kind of like how Orange is the New Black had a flashback to one character's pre-prison life each episode.
Of course, the backstory I have in mind for Wild Nellie is rather tragic, so I'll have to think about whether or not it'll be too tonally dissonant.
[mention]Mineira1986[/mention] Thanks! I tried my best to make this world neither utopian nor dystopian. It's an organized and peaceful society outside of the game, but it can feel stifling and there are still some people who just don't fit in.
I'm considering something that I'd like everyone's input on. Maybe, in order to show more of the real world, I'll start each chapter with a "day in the life" of one of the characters. Kind of like how Orange is the New Black had a flashback to one character's pre-prison life each episode.
Of course, the backstory I have in mind for Wild Nellie is rather tragic, so I'll have to think about whether or not it'll be too tonally dissonant.
![Image](https://i.imgur.com/F28pgiX.png)
Thanks to Mineira1986 for the banner!
Check out my stories on deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/shotrow
Another great chapter indeed!
as for the 'day in the life of their regular lives' part, I'm not so sure how well it would work. Since it is quite a worldbuilding-heavy story already, and there are already two completely separate storylines, that addition might make it too big. And I think on a site like this, people should have the option to only read the in-game part.
But it is your choice and I vouch to keep reading nonetheless.
as for the 'day in the life of their regular lives' part, I'm not so sure how well it would work. Since it is quite a worldbuilding-heavy story already, and there are already two completely separate storylines, that addition might make it too big. And I think on a site like this, people should have the option to only read the in-game part.
But it is your choice and I vouch to keep reading nonetheless.
I believe you would be a lot more comfortable in ropes
- Mineira1986
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If I may...
There are a couple of ways it can be done. But it totally depends on how the structure of the story is:
- One way is to include temporary characters and explain their backstory before they are gone. A example of this is the anime Kimetsu no Yaiba: Demon Slayer, where the protagonist musts kill demons who are humans that decided to become demons. After each one is slayed, we get to know their tragic backstory that made them decide to turn demons.
In this story, we could know Wild Nellie's backstory when the character is "defeated", and then move on to the next character, read the adventure related, backstory. Rinse and repeat
- The other way is more tricky, since you won't have characters that appear only one, but a recurring cast. In this scenario, the backstory should be included only when it matters to the plot. As authors, we like to show the readers all of our work, but in my opinion, if it doesn't matter to the story, then it probable shouldn't be included. You can always write it as a foot note or as a separate information if you want your readers to do it.
In this case, you would have to find a scene where Wild Nellie's back story needs to be told in order to understand what is going on in the forest, for example.
That's my take. I'm sure there are some other ways to pull it of =)-
There are a couple of ways it can be done. But it totally depends on how the structure of the story is:
- One way is to include temporary characters and explain their backstory before they are gone. A example of this is the anime Kimetsu no Yaiba: Demon Slayer, where the protagonist musts kill demons who are humans that decided to become demons. After each one is slayed, we get to know their tragic backstory that made them decide to turn demons.
In this story, we could know Wild Nellie's backstory when the character is "defeated", and then move on to the next character, read the adventure related, backstory. Rinse and repeat
- The other way is more tricky, since you won't have characters that appear only one, but a recurring cast. In this scenario, the backstory should be included only when it matters to the plot. As authors, we like to show the readers all of our work, but in my opinion, if it doesn't matter to the story, then it probable shouldn't be included. You can always write it as a foot note or as a separate information if you want your readers to do it.
In this case, you would have to find a scene where Wild Nellie's back story needs to be told in order to understand what is going on in the forest, for example.
That's my take. I'm sure there are some other ways to pull it of =)-
I see you guys' point. I should stick to details that serve the plot. You're right that there's an element of wanting to show off the details I've created, and I don't want the story to suffer because of that. I've probably been throwing in too many irrelevant notes into the text as it is.
I'll save those details for when they matter. Thanks for the feedback!
I'll save those details for when they matter. Thanks for the feedback!
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Nice new chapter
Can mostly only echo what the others alteady said.
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Can mostly only echo what the others alteady said.
Just made it through Chapter 4, wanted to post now, to say well done.
I'm still enjoying this. The world you're building is amazing, all the details, too many to list.
Good work, keep it up please![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif)
I'm still enjoying this. The world you're building is amazing, all the details, too many to list.
Good work, keep it up please
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif)
Awesome work here! Really one of the best world-built stories on the site. I don't think there is anything wrong with details, if you want to include then you should go for it, of course if it is too tonally different then that becomes a problem. This world though is awesomely unique and I love that you went with the Wild West theme to it, hoping to see even more of those elements as the plot progresses. I also don't think it would be a bad idea if the 'protagonists' get thrown in jail as you swap to a different character to show off more of the world. That would probably give you lots more flexibilty in seeing lots of different without tying you down to a single plot line. Plus I would like to see Sweet Becky and Shy Sarah get arrested for their bounties heheh
One last thing I thought I'd mention but when introducing so many characters at the same time right at the start it can be kind of confusing if you have too many that start with the same letter!
Great work overall, really looking forward to the next part! Do let me know if you are still looking for OCs would be happy to help.![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif)
One last thing I thought I'd mention but when introducing so many characters at the same time right at the start it can be kind of confusing if you have too many that start with the same letter!
Great work overall, really looking forward to the next part! Do let me know if you are still looking for OCs would be happy to help.
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif)
[mention]RopeBunny[/mention] Thanks very much! I'm so glad you're enjoying it.
[mention]trainer[/mention] Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I've more-or-less decided that more details about the real world can wait until the first day's over and the girl's wake up. Focusing on other characters down the line is within the realm of possibility.
You have a good point. I did go a little heavy on the "S" names. And thanks, I'll gladly send you the template for OCs.
[mention]trainer[/mention] Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it. I've more-or-less decided that more details about the real world can wait until the first day's over and the girl's wake up. Focusing on other characters down the line is within the realm of possibility.
You have a good point. I did go a little heavy on the "S" names. And thanks, I'll gladly send you the template for OCs.
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Chapter 6
Sweet Becky’s heart pounded as she continued to move through the forest. The further she got, the more apparent it was that she had no idea where she was or where she was going. As hard as she tried to retrace her steps to the highway, it seemed like she was only getting deeper into the forest. Paths were getting rare, and so were any signs of human habitation. The first three houses she passed by were locked and empty, and the next two were decorated in a way that strongly suggested that the inhabitants were Wild Nellie’s kind of people. Now, there was nothing but untouched forest.That’s not to say the forest was empty. The sounds of nature filled Sweet Becky’s ears, and she could pick out a few that weren’t just part of the soundtrack. The growls and hisses of nearby predators would have driven Briar mad, but they were little threat to Sweet Becky alone. This knowledge encouraged her, but the encouragement was restrained by the fact that Wild Nellie was almost certainly familiar with the hazards of the forest and may have taken precautions.
Still, Sweet Becky pressed on. If the forest critters slowed her pursuer down even a little bit, that was an advantage. It just might give her time to think of a plan. Sweet Becky wished she had spent more time learning to build traps in the game. It wasn’t a skill she had needed before, but it would come in handy now. If she could get to a safe place, she could wait out the reset. Maybe she wouldn’t have to wait that long if the Summer Campers…
Her reverie was broken by the distant sound of gunfire. It sounded just like Wild Nellie’s gun. Sweet Becky broke into a run. She still had time, but it was running out rapidly. Her foot hit a rock, which sent it flying in the air. That was the only thing that stopped her from running right into the middle of the field of flowers ahead of her. The rock landed in the flower patch, releasing a cloud of orange vapor.
Sweet Becky felt like crying when she saw how deep and wide the field was. The flowers were poppies, and one touch of them would release a cloud of pollen that would paralyze anyone who touched it for several minutes. And the field blocked her escape in every direction except the one from which she had come. Seeing no alternative, she pulled herself up one of the trees, thinking that if she stayed hidden, there was a non-zero chance that Wild Nellie would run into the field by accident.
Sitting atop a sturdy branch, Sweet Becky peered out. The trees on the other side of the poppy field looked so close. She plucked a red apple from the tree’s branches and threw it. It didn’t even make it halfway across. It was clearly further than it looked. Nevertheless, seeing the apple land and roll down a slope in the middle of the field gave her an idea. If she could just get far enough into the flowers… even if she succumbed to the pollen, she would recover sooner than whoever got here later, and Wild Nellie would be unable to get to her without great effort.
Working quickly, Sweet Becky tossed one end of the most intact piece of salvaged rope she had over one of the tree’s highest branches and tied it off. As she pulled it tight, she began to hear faint hoofbeats. Seemed like it was now or never. Taking a running start, the young girl leaped off the tree with the rope in one hand, swinging from it like a pendulum and letting go at the last moment to send her flying into the middle of the field.
Just like the apple before her, she rolled down a slope, activating at least six of the poppies before succumbing. Then, in another moment, she found herself floating in a black void, devoid of sensory input from her sleep pod, as her avatar was knocked unconscious by the thick clouds of pollen.
---
The world came into clear focus once again as Sweet Becky recovered from the effects of the pollen. She let out a startled yelp when she felt a hand gripped tightly around her wrist. It was Wild Nellie, but she was unconscious. The plan had worked out better than Sweet Becky could have hoped for. She could see a bare strip on the field of orange flowers where Wild Nellie had tried to shoot a path through. It ended right up to where Sweet Becky had been lying unconscious. Perhaps the feral girl had gotten overexcited and careless right as she was about to reach her goal. Her pet wolf sat nearby, harmless without orders from her trainer.
Sweet Becky could only assume that Wild Nellie thought that grabbing her target’s arm meant she won the game. The exhausted girl was in no mood to argue about rules. Instead, she took hold of Wild Nellie’s rope and gun. The lasso was useless to her, so she threw it deeper into the field. Using the last of her salvaged rope, she tied the huntress into a quick but secure hogtie and gagged her with a knotted rope cleave. The triumphant girl heaved her captive on her shoulder and threw her as deep into the field as she could manage. Hopefully, by the time she struggled free of the bondage, the flowers would have regenerated, and she’d be stuck there until the reset. Sweet Becky skipped gingerly from one foot to the other, trying her best to stay in the center of the path that Wild Nellie cleared. She finally reached the edge and was safe on the mossy, leafy forest ground. Her smile faded as she glanced over her shoulder at the unmoving Wild Nellie. Sweet Becky was all too happy to be rid of her, but she couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to the kooky girl. Wild Nellie would be free of the poppy field after the reset, but she had made powerful enemies in the form of the Summer Campers, and her quiet forest life was about to become much more difficult. The naive loner and her wolf pack had managed to take the bandits by surprise once, but Sweet Becky wasn’t sure Wild Nellie was prepared for the war she started.
Not far from the poppy field, Sweet Becky came across Wild Nellie’s antlered horse Vengeance hitched to one of the trees. And one his back, to Sweet Becky’s enormous satisfaction, was a tightly bound-and-gagged Shy Sarah. The sight of her former captor in this state made her shriek with laughter while the bounty hunter’s cheeks flushed with fury.
"Aw, did she get you?" teased Sweet Becky, "Guess you aren’t such a big tough bounty hunter after all.
Sweet Becky still had a problem. She was deep in the forest and had no idea how to get home. She could find someplace safe to hole up until the reset, but she recoiled at the thought of spending several more hours in this cursed place. Besides, it would only be a temporary solution, as the bound girl on the horse in front of her could just come after her again when she least expected it.
It was a gamble, but Sweet Becky made up her mind. She needed a horse, and hers was too far away. A horse could only be safely ridden by its owner. She prodded at Shy Sarah.
"Alright, listen," said Sweet Becky, "You don’t want to stay in this forest any more than I do. You may not know this, but some of the Summer Campers are free now. You have the only horse we can reach, and I have the only gun. Either we work together, or they catch us both and turn us in."
She kept a tight grip on Wild Nellie’s charm shooter while her other hand undid the gag. Shy Sarah spat out the bandana and looked at her rescuer, saying nothing.
Sweet Becky took a step back and raised the charm shooter. "One wrong move and you’re back in ropes until I find a way to send you to the Gala. Do what I say, and you may get out of here a free woman. It’s your only chance."
Shy Sarah sighed as she mulled over what Sweet Becky told her. "Fine... Truce until we leave the forest. Untie my hands and I’ll call Ranger."
Sweet Becky held the carbine in her armpit tightly as she untied Shy Sarah’s hands, leaving her legs bound. "Put your hands in front of you," she ordered.
Shy Sarah clenched her jaw but did as she was instructed. "Oh come on, I could undo a wrist tie with my teeth in seconds…"
"That’s all I need to stun you," Sweet Becky reminded her, patting the carbine. She bound the hunter’s hands, leaving just enough slack to allow her to whistle for her horse. "Ok, do it. And then let’s get the heck out of here."
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That was quite the adventure for Sweet Becky - seems like she is on her way out. But that remains to be seen
The Idea with the Poppie Field and Becky´s daring move to clear that obstacle was brillant [mention]Shotrow[/mention]
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