What hurdle/s stop you from seeking out bondage? (E)

[Lucky Lottie]

An honest question for you all.
I reflected on this question today as I looked back through my pictures. "What is it that stopped me from taking the plunge sooner?" I think it's a rather apt question given the current goings on in the world. I see many posts and responses almost lamenting the fact that they don't engage with bondage anywhere near as much as they'd want to. So I pass a similar question to you.

What is the primary factor that stops you from fulfilling your bondage desires?

Location? Time? Money? Security is another big one. Will people find out who I am? Does it matter? Am I invested enough to truly make this a hobby? All genuine answers. Looking more widely into the community however, I feel there is a great deal more to it. In my experience a large stopping force is often the mindset we put ourselves in. A few close friends have openly admitted that the option was always there to go deeper but they never did, often with regret. Some of their answers hit close to home. Feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, vulnerability, that the whole thing is overwhelming, that they're not serious enough. We look back and laugh but I had hoped that perhaps by even asking you all, some might be more willing to build up the courage.

A bonus question for you:
Do you see yourself pursuing more bondage in the future?


I'll share my hurdles to get started.
Before I was the bratty little rope bunny I am today I spent most of my time hiding away from he happiness that bondage provided. I can say with certainty that I was disgusted at myself for not only engaging with, but also enjoying bondage. It took a great deal of mental anguish and a few psychologist trips to finally come to an understanding. I was not only allowed to engage with bondage but that I should also allow myself to enjoy it too.

The second hurdle came once I clicked on my first site. In a world of so many other people with experience and passion how could little me possibly find anyone to tie me up? I was overwhelmed with self doubt, I felt insecure about my looks, my body, everything. I meekly made my way to my first proper meeting with like minded individuals. It was horrible... at first. I sat in my car for a solid 20 minutes processing everyone who walked into the venue. I walked in, pretended to not know where they were so I didn't have to make the first move. Got introduced to everyone and sat down. These people were not supermodels nor were they intimidating, they were people, regular people. The more time I spent with them the more I relaxed and forgot myself, I opened up about all my bondage fantasies and made some of my best friends to date.

It took a while of building friendships and trust that I finally asked one of my friends if I could be tied up. They did and I loved it, with the motivation to do more I developed a more confident lifestyle and over the years I've made massive strides. I get asked to bunny all the time by all my friends whether it be for a learning experience or a small photo shoot. All because one day I decided I would follow my bondage passion

Sorry if this ragged on a bit but I genuinely love seeing people have fun with their passions and want to know more about what's stopping more form doing it.

[Nexus]

Note that I am always the person doing the tying, not being tied.

What stops me from doing bondage more often? I’d say two main factors. First, is scheduling/timing. I have a friend or two who I can call on for bondage, but getting our hectic schedules to line up is difficult. I’ve been trying to get together with two different ladies for weeks with no luck. The second would be finding willing and available damsels. I’ve only recently begun straight up asking certain friends if I could tie them up. Most say “no thanks”. Aside from that it’s a gruelling process trying to meet women on fetlife. I’ve had some success, but it takes a lot of patience and determination.

Do I plan to pursue more bondage in the future? Absolutely. I’ve never been so motivated to find more play partners and try to cultivate the bondage relationships I already have.

[Mikeyropes29]

Id say the primary factor is insecurity, I don't really put myself out there too much to meet people period so finding someone with bondage interests is even more difficult. I assume finding willing ladies to tie up is probably aloy easier than finding willing ladies to do the tying,so hopefully sometime soon I'll get to love our the former. And I absolutely wanna pursue bondage in the future,it's kind of an obsession,I definitely wanna tie up a lady(or 7 ) and as far as getting tied up if I have to see a dominatrix again,when I have the money and time maybe I'll seek that out if I haven't found a willing partner

[Terry]

Not being able to find someone to tie me up in my area.

[micoAi]

I'm one who wants to experience both sides, tying and be tied, and single factor that is a hurdle to me is insecurity. Thing is, is hard to trust people and i still haven't found a partner that i can comfortably talk to about my like for bondage. That and of course, fear of lacking knowledge (I'm kind of clumsy when it comes to knoting and stuff hehe)

Many people have told me that the time would come, so i have that to look forward to in the future.

[BoundWithRopes]

It’s tough bringing up the subject with most people

[honourthechapter1775]

I feel like I can relate to certain parts of this topic a lot though for one I would say that time and money are a massive contributor that stand in the way of me and my desires. That and the current state of the world doesn't make these things any easier.

[BDBrit]

This is such a good idea for a thread. Thank you for posting.

There are probably a few factors for me. Obviously, there's the practical side of not really having time because of work, not knowing anyone and so on that others have mentioned.

Something that's more particular to me is that I'm not really into the idea of hooking up with someone. As much as I want the bondage experience, I also want something more - dare I say a relationship? Being gay limits the dating pool enough without also seeking someone who will trust me so completely to be tied up and for me to trust them enough to tie me up. Bondage fantasies are fine, but they're no substitute for a meaningful relationship.

Alright, that's enough being a softie. Here's a picture of a seal cuddling a plush toy seal to distract you:

[Svpmissive]

Primary hurdle for me is finding someone wiling and trusting to keep me restrained and took care of. I'm not a people person so meeting new people is not my favorite thing. Couple that and my unusual interests and it takes a long time for me to open up to someone. I also think time is a factor for me as while I dream of long term ideas, in practicality with my schedule, it often never feels long enough.

[wannabetiedup]

I think @BDBrit makes a good point about relationships. You don't really control who you fall in love with. However, I often think back to when I was single 20 years ago. Although I wanted bondage to be part of my life, I felt ashamed and embarrassed by that so didn't put it as the first topic to discuss! I have introduced it to relationships though, with varying success, but then that always brought up another insecurity like "is she doing this because she wants to/enjoys it, or just doing it to humour me?" or "if I ask to do bondage too often she'll think that I'm more into what she does with me than who she is". So regrettably I put these mental blocks in my head during a time where, in retrospect, I had a load of free time to actually partake. Nowadays, life gets very busy with work and child about that there is very little time to do anything at all!

[Canuck100]

I think @BDBrit makes a good point about relationships. You don't really control who you fall in love with. However, I often think back to when I was single 20 years ago. Although I wanted bondage to be part of my life, I felt ashamed and embarrassed by that so didn't put it as the first topic to discuss! I have introduced it to relationships though, with varying success, but then that always brought up another insecurity like "is she doing this because she wants to/enjoys it, or just doing it to humour me?" or "if I ask to do bondage too often she'll think that I'm more into what she does with me than who she is". So regrettably I put these mental blocks in my head during a time where, in retrospect, I had a load of free time to actually partake. Nowadays, life gets very busy with work and child about that there is very little time to do anything at all!

I can relate so much to this! My experiences seem similar to yours. When I was dating in my 20's, I didn't dare bring up bondage right away - I definitely should have been more proactive! I ended up having success bringing light bondage later on in my relationship, but I always asked myself the same questions you did, which limited my tie up opportunities.

And now with kids, a busy life and all, there is much less time to enjoy these things.

[wannabetiedup]

Glad I'm not the only one lol. I have a feeling if the likes of fetlife was around and accessible back then, and dare I say it, we were in a post 50 Shades world, I might have been braver. Anyway, onwards and upwards, just need to make sure chances are taken when they arise.

[ExcessivelyCurious]

Insecurity is certainly a big one.

I want either a reliable TUG partner, or a pool of reasonably reliable people, who wants roughly the same things I want. I also have to trust that person, and they need to trust me - if I want to tie someone up or get tied up, a lot of trust is needed there. I haven't met up with anyone from the internet 1-on-1 yet, guess I just haven't got there.

The correct social relationship is also necessary. Through a few means I've met a good few people who like this stuff, but I haven't properly connected with any of them. While I'm actually happy with a platonic or an intimate TUG partner, I find a lot of people aren't super clear with what they're looking for (or they are it's not something I want - some people get extreme).

From a different angle, there's also introducing bondage into an existing relationship. I've only been in one proper relationship; when we were together I did consider asking him about it, but I never worked up the courage.

[Damsel-Dilara-Dee]

Mainly insecurity and sheepishness around bringing it up with a partner and revealing not only the desire to be B&G but also to do it while crossdressing. Partners have known I'm into roughness in the bedroom but initiating bondage and asking to be tied whilst I'm dressed as a girl is daunting, and it feels safe as my little secret for now.

[Tights tights tights]

At first it was mostly finding people who are into the same thing as me, but even now, even though I'm getting to know a lot of people who like what I like.. the big ubstruction is finding people in or around my area to tie me up!

[trainer]

This is a great topic! A bit late on my reply but just wanted to add my two cents.

I find myself in an area that seems to have a relatively large bondage scene nearby, so thankfully I do know that if I take the leap I can and will find events close by. Sadly, I have a different fear, I work with some fairly conservative people and in a position in my work life that could be greatly hindered if I was linked to the bondage scene. Or at least I think it would. I can't tell whether it's an internal fear or if it's a legitimate concern that I have to be worried about.

[sami200456boyfriend]

Nothing I was out and free with my friends

[Lucky Lottie]

This is a great topic! A bit late on my reply but just wanted to add my two cents.

I find myself in an area that seems to have a relatively large bondage scene nearby, so thankfully I do know that if I take the leap I can and will find events close by. Sadly, I have a different fear, I work with some fairly conservative people and in a position in my work life that could be greatly hindered if I was linked to the bondage scene. Or at least I think it would. I can't tell whether it's an internal fear or if it's a legitimate concern that I have to be worried about.

That's an honest fear to have. I felt like that too for a long time. I can't speak for everyone but if you find a small reliable group of bondage friends and keep pictures away from the internet (not that I can talk ) It's not in anyone's interest to out you. I play around a fair bit and it helps me to think about how information transfers.

Should anyone in my work circle find out about me they'd almost definitely be interested in some way. If they find a picture of me chances are they found it on Fetlife which is only accessible to those who like that sort of stuff. And should someone try to out me there is probably a very high risk of them getting outed too. I'm surrounded by fairly reasonable people so I don't worry nearly as much as I did, still everyone is different. I've met vindictive A*holes too so I'd never say it's an impossibility.

[trainer]

That's an honest fear to have. I felt like that too for a long time. I can't speak for everyone but if you find a small reliable group of bondage friends and keep pictures away from the internet (not that I can talk ) It's not in anyone's interest to out you. I play around a fair bit and it helps me to think about how information transfers.

Should anyone in my work circle find out about me they'd almost definitely be interested in some way. If they find a picture of me chances are they found it on Fetlife which is only accessible to those who like that sort of stuff. And should someone try to out me there is probably a very high risk of them getting outed too. I'm surrounded by fairly reasonable people so I don't worry nearly as much as I did, still everyone is different. I've met vindictive A*holes too so I'd never say it's an impossibility.

I hope that I can eventually do that I think I would greatly enjoy it!