Batgirl in: Election Day (MF/F)

[TamatoaShiny123]

(Author’s Note: Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Today, we celebrate Election Day in the US. Now, while I usually post light-hearted short stories on this site, I felt that it'd be wise to talk about the gravity of today’s election. Now, the Republicans-

*feed cracking, then gives away to a grinning clown face inside a warehouse*

“Shut up, Tomato!”
“Joker?! First off, it’s ‘Tamatoa’-
“Don’t care! I’m taking over this story post! I have an election of my own to take care of!”
”But-“
“Go away before I send my ‘motivator’ after you!”
*gulp* “Have a lovely day, Mister Joker!”)

“That’s better. Now, since today is Election Day, I decided to have a bit of fun here.” (Gestures to a large red curtain behind him) “Want to see what’s behind the curtain? Harley, do the honors!”
“With pleasure, Mister J!”

(Harley pulls the curtain back, revealing a bound Batgirl. She’s all wrapped up from head to toe in chains and padlocks with a big red ballgag between her teeth.)

“That’s right, I have poor Batgirl all bound up here. It’s a shame that it was so easy to catch. But, then again, superheroine catch rates go waaaaay up after they get hit in the head with a giant mallet. Excellent mallet work by the way, Harley.”
“It’s my own special technique; wait ‘till their back is turned, then take a big swing at their noggin!”

“Anyway, I have a favor to ask of you folks. I came up with so many ways to dispose of Batgirl once and for all! Problem is, I just can’t decide on how to end her life! So, in the spirit of today’s holiday, I’ll leave it up to you guys! You have 24 hours to vote on the poll above on how to get rid of Batgirl!”

“Mmph! Mmph!”
“Ugh! What is it?” (Takes out ballgag)
“Guys! Vote on letting me go free! I do NOT feel like getting eaten by a shark or being blown to smithereens or-mmph!”

(Joker puts the ballgag back in) “Like I said, you have 24 hours. Get to voting!”

[TamatoaShiny123]

“Hmm...I see.”

“First off, I’d like to advise the two people who voted on setting Batgirl free to watch their back as they might be receiving a...little visit tonight. Harley, call The Motivator!”
“He’s on speed dial, Mister J!”
“Great! Now, it appears that the option that won out was to burn her at the stake. Going with the ol’ Salem Witch Trial style death, eh? Alrighty then. Harley! Where did I put my flamethrower?!”

[TamatoaShiny123]

With the votes counted, I bring to you:
Batgirl: The Witch Burning

“Sigh.”

Batgirl was (shock of all shocks) in peril again. After being knocked out with a mallet shot to the back of the dome (giving her a screaming headache), she found herself mummified in chains and ballgagged by The Clown Prince of Crime, The Joker. He was talking to...someone...about how he should kill Batgirl. While there was some talk of setting her free, the majority ruled that she should be burned at the stake.

So Batgirl now found herself tied to a stake with a mountain of chains. Her utility belt was foolishly left on, but the chains prevented her from reaching anything that could be of use.

Another mistake made was that Joker apparently misplaced his flamethrower. While he was rooting around his invetory (“Let’s see...dynamite, crowbar, joy buzzer...”), Batgirl tried to take stock of her situation, trying to find something to use for escape. However, this proved to be hard as she was distracted by Harley Quinn staring at her.

“May I help you?” Batgirl asked the former psychiatrist.
“Just reminiscing about all the times we’ve had together. They were such great memories.”
“Yes, Harley. I too look back fondly on the time you tied me to a torture rack and tried to turn me into a Strech Armstrong doll.”
“Yea...your screams of agony is still my ringtone to this day. Anyway, it’s a shame this’ll be the last time I see you alive. Mister J says that there’s no way you can get out of those chains.”
“Don’t worry, Harley. I’ll escape these chains and we’ll be able to make more memories.”
“Are you suuuuuure? Those chains look nice and snug on you.”
“I’m sure,” Batgirl responded, not completely sure of himself.
“Found it!”

Both turned to see Joker wielding a flamethrower. He cackled upon seeing his foe.

“It took a while, but I finally found it under the box of rubber chickens. Now Harley, can you read the charges?”
“With pleasure!”

Harley pulled a folded-up paper out of her boot. “Batgirl: for thwarting Mister J’s evil plans 237 times-“
“You’ve kept count?!”
“Don’t interrupt!” Joker roared as Harley shoved the previously discarded ballgag into the heroine’s mouth, buckling it in the back.

“As I was saying, for disturbing our crimes, for being such a genuinely heroic role model and for being just so annoying, you are sentenced to death by burning!” Harley declared.

Joker pointed the flamethrower at the helpless heroine. “Any last words?”
“Mmph! Mmph! Mmm!”
“What was that? I didn’t quite get that,” Joker told her mockingly.
“MMPH! MMPH! MMM!”
“Ah well, probably wasn’t too important anyway. Let’s light’em up!”

Joker ignited the sticks that were at Batgirl’s feet, setting the sticks ablaze. Batgirl started to squirm uncomfortably. Her costume was heat-resistant, but it wouldn’t protect her for long. She desperately started wiggling around in the chains, hoping for a miracle to save her.

And a miracle did indeed happen. As the smoke rose to the roof, it suddenly began to rain inside!

Joker was furious. “What the hell, Harley?! Why is there a sprinkler system in here?!”
“Puddin’, I-“
“I told you that we might burn her alive! And you rented a warehouse with an active sprinkler system!”

While Joker continued to scream at Harley, they didn’t realize that the sprinkler, besides drowning the fire, had another effect: it moistened both the chains and Batgirl’s gloves. This allowed Batgirl to slowly slip her hands down towards her belt, allowing her to grab her portable waterproof acetylene torch (never leave home without it). She slowly started to cut the chains free while the two continued to argue.

“And why did you buy the flamethrower from ACME?! They products never work! Have you seen that coyote-what the?!”

The two turned around to see a freed Batgirl with burnt chains and a ballgag surrounding the stake. She stared at them, cracking her knuckles.

“And that’s why it’s always necessary to have proper fire prevention,” she told them with a smirk.
“I knew I should’ve blasted her into space,” Joker murmured to Harley as Batgirl stalked towards them, pounding her hand with her fist.

The End