A (damsels) life in the theatre (F/F)

[Stiletto Amore]

Once upon a time, (in drama class) as part of a creative writing assignment we were invited to pen a brief, two page script based around a suggestion from our teacher. We were each given a one line synopsis and a prop from the classroom to use in our story. Each pairing was noticeably different and they produced some pretty amazing results - my personal favourite being the boy who wrote a Spaghetti Western set in a supermarket car park in which everyone faced off using cocktail umbrellas.
For my brief I was tasked with writing dialogue for a scene that centred on “a reversal in fortune” and featured a banana as a principal plot device.
This, was my effort:

Characters:
WPC Sam Ward - 18 Rookie police Officer on her first assignment. Beset with nerves and two left feet she seems, on the face of it at least, to be almost pathologically ill suited to a career in law enforcement. Nonetheless she is extremely brave and, despite several set-backs remains extremely enthusiastic about her job and eager to succeed in her chosen career.

Stiletto Amore: A husky cat burglar - she doesn’t so much steal priceless artefacts from the rich, as she does liberates items of exquisite beauty so they can be enjoyed by others (at a price - naturally!) Her voice has an almost hypnotic quality that leaves both sexes paralysed by indecision.

The scene is a stately home on the outskirts of London.
The room is light, attractive and comfortably furnished with several impossibly expensive paintings hanging on the wall..
When the curtain rises it is the middle of the afternoon.
On the left there is an open fireplace besides which a large, heavy set young woman dressed in a form fitting red catsuit is crouched over a wall safe. She is hard at work.
On the right there are French windows opening on to the garden. One of the windows is open and through it climbs Sam Ward, a young woman dressed in the starched black and white uniform of a female police constable.
Acting on a tip off from a concerned member of the public Sam had stumbled on a burglary in progress.
Sam: "Halt! Police! Stay where you are!"
(Disappointingly the crook seemed only mildly put out by the Constable’s arrival on the scene)

Stiletto Amore: “Or else?”

Sam: “Or else- Or else,.."
(Sam looks frantically looking round the room, her eyes finally settling on a nearby fruit bowl)

Sam: "Or else I'll shoot!"
(Sam presses the barrel of an over ripe banana into the back of her suspect)

Stiletto Amore: "You'll shoot me?" (She sounds sceptical)

"That's right!" (Sam stammers) "So do as I say and put your hands up!"
(Sam is acutely aware that her voice was escalating pitch with every passing word and that, far from sounding intimidating, she was now speaking in a tone only a dolphin could understand)

Stiletto Amore: “Okay Kid,” (She raises her arms) “you got me. So what happens now?”

Sam: “I’m placing you under arrest,..”
(Conscious that she was still sounding somewhat squeaky Sam makes a concerted effort to lower her voice a few octaves so she didn’t sound quite so nervous. She cleared her throat before continuing to read her miranda rights)

Sam: “Ahem! You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court,..”
(It didn’t work. She sounded like a teenager soprano seconds after she’d hit puberty)
Stiletto Amore: “Look Sweetie, before we go any further there are a couple of points I’d like to raise with you”

Sam: “And they are?”
(As something of a girly swot Sam was always eager for feedback on her job performance regardless of the source)

Stiletto Amore: “First and foremost - you really are being annoyingly squeaky”

Sam: “Slightly hurtful, but go on”

Stiletto Amore: “And secondly, did you really think you could threaten me with a piece of fruit?”

Sam: “Well, It is loaded with potassium”

Stiletto Amore: “That’s cute. Now hand me the weapon”
(Inexplicably, Sam did as she was asked)
(With slow, deliberate movements, Stiletto turns the banana gun back onto the Police woman)
(Unsure what else to do, in response, Sam found herself putting her own hands up)

Stiletto Amore: “Now, care to hazard a guess as to what happens next?”

Sam: “You’re going to surrender?”

Stiletto Amore: “Our survey says,.. Uh! Uh!”

Sam: “You let me go free?”
Stiletto Amore: “Uh! Uh! Sadly not. But you still have one life left on the board. Care to have another try?”
(Sam appeared to think)

Sam: “You’re going to take me prisoner?”

Stiletto Amore: “Ding! Ding! Ding! Correctamundo kid. You win tonight’s jackpot,..”

Sam “Ooo, how exciting. I never usually win at anything. What’s the prize?”

Stiletto Amore: “A glamourous, all expenses trip to,.. a locked store closet!”

Sam: “Well, it’s not exactly a traditional holiday destination, but it might be nice to take a vacation,..”

Stiletto Amore: “So, care to go quietly, or would you prefer to be bound and gagged?”

Sam: “Oh, definitely bound and gagged please”

Stiletto Amore: “An excellent choice! Go ahead!”

Sam gleefully handcuffs her own hands behind her back whilst Stiletto Amore turns to face the audience.

Stiletto Amore: “Sadly, that’s all we’ve got time for. But please be sure to join us again next week for another instalment of Burglaries of the Rich and Famous!”
(Stiletto selects an apple from the bowl)

Stiletto Amore: “Say goodnight to the viewers at home Sam”
(Stiletto pushes the apple into Sam’s mouth)

Sam: “Mmphh mpph!”

End scene

Sadly, I was never given the opportunity to stage a full performance of this particular one act play, however our teacher was sufficiently impressed with my efforts that she gave me an A and the following week she selected my script (along with two others) for a table read (the highlight of which was almost certainly the climax of the play in which I put my hand over my mouth to simulate being gagged)
Of course this was far from the last time I would shamelessly attempt to exploit the naivety of my Drama teacher to get myself cast as the Damsel in Distress,..

[TamatoaShiny123]

Lol, love the apple gag at the end!

[Ducttapelover93]

Great story would love to hear more for you!

[MaxRoper]

Humor, use of the required fruit, and delightful characters. Definitely deserved the A.

[Dpsiic]

A great scenario wish it had gone further with Sam being tied but you have to work with what you have got.

[Stiletto Amore]

Lol, love the apple gag at the end!

Ha, ha! What’s that expression again? An apple a day keeps the Doctor quiet,..(?)

[Stiletto Amore]

Great story would love to hear more for you!

That’s very kind of you to say. I actually published a bunch of stories on this site under a different name. I can link to them if you like.

[Stiletto Amore]

Humor, use of the required fruit, and delightful characters. Definitely deserved the A.

Haha! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m just disappointed we didn’t get the chance to perform it on stage.

[Stiletto Amore]

A great scenario wish it had gone further with Sam being tied but you have to work with what you have got.

I share your frustration in this matter - I had my fingers crossed that I would be given rope as a prop to work with. Fortunately this wasn’t the only time I shamelessly tried to crowbar bondage scenes into my school work,..

[Reidy]

Very cool story. I admit I may have been imagining what it would be like to be taken prisoner by the velvet voice of Stiletto Amore.

[Stiletto Amore]

Very cool story. I admit I may have been imagining what it would be like to be taken prisoner by the velvet voice of Stiletto Amore.

Haha! Thank you kindly.
It probably says much for my rampant egotism that I effectively cast myself as both damsel and captor