An interesting thought

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honourthechapter1775

An interesting thought

Post by honourthechapter1775 »

This is something that has played in my mind for sometime now and so I thought I'd get some of your opinions on it. What would you do if you met someone and fell madly in love with them only to realise they dislike bondage?

In a way this has been a constant fear of mine when it comes to dating and relationships, in a way I would like to say if give up on it, put it to bed and let it rest whilst getting on with my life. Or at least that it what I used to think a long time ago. These days I'm not too sure if I could as I feel as though it's an integral part of my being who I am.

Let me know what you think?
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Post by abcdefsmith3 »

This is my actual life! :lol:

Me and my girlfriend have been together nearly 5 years and she hasn’t got the slightest interest in bondage. It’s a real shame because I’d love to explore that with her. She knows I’m in to it but doesn’t indulge me at all.
But what can you do eh?

If you love them you’ve got to just accept the fact they’re not in to it and put that aside. It’s not the be all and end all. Although it would be nice haha!
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Post by Mister The Edge »

This is my marriage. My wife isn't into bondage but lets me tie and gag her. She also lets me play bondage with other people.
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Post by honourthechapter1775 »

So long as they're complacent of it and they don't hate it outright then I guess that is sort of a good thing in its own way.
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Post by 011020 »

My ex wife wasn’t into bondage at all. Although we did have 2 bondage experiences together (largely fueled by alcohol!) we had very differing opinions on the subject. It’s not the reason we divorced but it also didn’t help.
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Post by Dpsiic »

As some of you above. My wife isn’t into bondage. She indulged me for some years when we were younger but then for a variety of reasons decided she didn’t want to do it again. It’s extremely frustrating but much as I love bondage she is more important to me.
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Post by MrBind »

I hate to say it, but I think it would be a deal breaker. Just not sure I could give it up.
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Post by WillHBonney »

My ex wasn't really into bondage but was happy to occasionally tie me up.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed when we did it however as a sub I really enjoy the idea of the domme taking complete control and because my ex wasn't into bondage I would have to either heavily hint at or explicitly state what I wanted done to me.

We started going out at a young age and were together for a long time so I've never really known anything different but now that I'm single I'm going to put more emphasis on my kinks when searching for someone and see where that takes me.

For me it's not the be all and end all but if I had the choice I'd prefer my partner to be into bondage. And I suppose in my current position I have the choice to try find someone that's into bondage.
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Post by Bigballgag1 »

I don't think it would be a big problem for me actually. For a while now my interest in bondage just feels like it has been dropping so finding someone who happens to not like it I don't think would bother me. Its a weird feeling and it may well come and go but right now I don’t feel my interest is there or as the saying goes ‘my heart is really in it’.
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Post by Captive-Monica98 »

I'm in a similar situation right now. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly eight months. While I'm into bondage, he is not and is uncomfortable with the idea of tying me up. Despite that, he was willing to indulge my kinks just to make me happy. Since he was uncomfortable with tying me up, I just did self bondage and gave him permission to do with me as he pleased. Even then, he was still uncomfortable with the whole thing so we stopped.

Later, I had an eureka moment. I would do self bondage and after a while he could come in and pretend he's rescuing me. He was more onboard with that idea and gave it a shot. Turns out, he really liked the idea of rescuing me and found it hot. I found it pretty hot too and we've been doing that ever since.

Being tied up for real would be nice, but this is a good compromise that satisfies both of us.
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Post by illest »

My wife wasn't into it at first but I feel like we've reached a point where it's growing on her. The last couple of times she got tied up was because she started play-taunting me and was practically asking for it. Also usually she's complacent about being gagged but the last couple of times she's actually been enjoying it.

She's been reading some books lately that seem to be rather risque and I think it's been opening her mind to a few "proclivities" she wasn't normally having. She's even tied me spreadeagle a few times lately and gagged me right nice. Next step is to get her to hogtie me for a while 😅
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Post by honourthechapter1775 »

illest wrote: 1 year ago My wife wasn't into it at first but I feel like we've reached a point where it's growing on her. The last couple of times she got tied up was because she started play-taunting me and was practically asking for it. Also usually she's complacent about being gagged but the last couple of times she's actually been enjoying it.

She's been reading some books lately that seem to be rather risque and I think it's been opening her mind to a few "proclivities" she wasn't normally having. She's even tied me spreadeagle a few times lately and gagged me right nice. Next step is to get her to hogtie me for a while 😅
That doesn't sound all too bad to me that you have been able to persuade her this far to go along with your bondage antics. I mean if she has gone along with it thus far and being open minded certainly helps I can't see a reason not for her to go along with it further.
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Post by uemndlr »

illest wrote: 1 year ago She's been reading some books lately that seem to be rather risque and I think it's been opening her mind to a few "proclivities" she wasn't normally having. She's even tied me spreadeagle a few times lately and gagged me right nice. Next step is to get her to hogtie me for a while 😅
Hi [mention]illest[/mention], could you recommend some of these books? I'd really like to give them to my wife, as we are in kind of a similar situation.

She isn't into it either, but she ties me up (and really well, if she isn't being too lazy) and occasionally lets me tie her. But she says there is sort of a psychological barrier which makes her frustrated and aggressive when she is tied up and cannot move. She'd really like to be able to enjoy it and let me play with her, but most of the time it makes her feel bad, and that's not what I want of course. And gagging her is pretty much out of the question.
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Post by Banddfun »

You’re fortunate to be born when the internet allowed you to see so many others with similar interest. I was born in the 50s and I thought I was a freak, (I was only turned on by the thought of being tied up). I didn’t date because I couldn’t imagine others wanting to tie me up, that was my only turn on. Fortunately I met a wonderful woman who knew, but wasn’t into it; we married and had awesome children who are now grown and on there own. The sex was awkward and required a lot of creative imagination. However, I’m thankful I never fulfilled this fantasy because I ended up with a full life and a great family, she’s been my best friend and partner for 33 years; and self bondage has been my only (escape?) lol.
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Post by illest »

uemndlr wrote: 1 year ago
illest wrote: 1 year ago She's been reading some books lately that seem to be rather risque and I think it's been opening her mind to a few "proclivities" she wasn't normally having. She's even tied me spreadeagle a few times lately and gagged me right nice. Next step is to get her to hogtie me for a while 😅
Hi @illest, could you recommend some of these books? I'd really like to give them to my wife, as we are in kind of a similar situation.

She isn't into it either, but she ties me up (and really well, if she isn't being too lazy) and occasionally lets me tie her. But she says there is sort of a psychological barrier which makes her frustrated and aggressive when she is tied up and cannot move. She'd really like to be able to enjoy it and let me play with her, but most of the time it makes her feel bad, and that's not what I want of course. And gagging her is pretty much out of the question.
I'm not sure the name of them myself. A lot of them deal with werewolves and alphas and betas. Usually about alphas being the leader of their group and being super protective of their mates. When she tells me about this stuff it's honestly very bizarre even for me.

Things are going pretty fast now. About 3 nights ago I basically broke and shared with her exactly how much I'm into bondage, and she became very familiar with a few items I bought from Sub-Shop. I'm totally a switch so I'm really hoping that she's planning on "returning the favor". I've done self bondage myself plenty but it's different having someone else tie you. I may just tie myself and just leave the rest of the materials for her to do as she sees fit. I really hope things go your way. We've been together for 9 years, married for 3 and I feel like I'm finally free to be open about this.
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Post by uemndlr »

illest wrote: 1 year ago
uemndlr wrote: 1 year ago Hi @illest, could you recommend some of these books? I'd really like to give them to my wife, as we are in kind of a similar situation.
I'm not sure the name of them myself. A lot of them deal with werewolves and alphas and betas. Usually about alphas being the leader of their group and being super protective of their mates. When she tells me about this stuff it's honestly very bizarre even for me.
Haha, well in that case I think it might not really be for my wife. I don't think she would read werewolf stuff, being the super-romantic that she is!
Things are going pretty fast now. About 3 nights ago I basically broke and shared with her exactly how much I'm into bondage, and she became very familiar with a few items I bought from Sub-Shop. I'm totally a switch so I'm really hoping that she's planning on "returning the favor". I've done self bondage myself plenty but it's different having someone else tie you. I may just tie myself and just leave the rest of the materials for her to do as she sees fit. I really hope things go your way. We've been together for 9 years, married for 3 and I feel like I'm finally free to be open about this.
Congratulations, sounds like good progress! Me, I've always been very open to my wife, even telling her some of my weirder fantasies, and I think it's well worth it. First, these mixed feelings of arousal, embarrassment and relief when I tell her these things, and the way she appreciates my openness; and she gets some ideas of what gets me off. It's the first step to being what Dan Savage calls "GGG".

However: I have to watch out that I don't overdo it. Then she complains that we always do what *I* want, and it's always her who has to cede; but when I ask her what excites her, she doesn't really know. She wonders whether she is not normal because she has no sexual fantasies. Which is funny because *I'm* the one who wants to be tied and gagged, and *she's* wondering whether she's not normal?!

So, take it slow and easy, one step at a time. There's such a lot of possibilities to explore.
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Post by faye2013 »

honourthechapter1775 wrote: 1 year ago This is something that has played in my mind for sometime now and so I thought I'd get some of your opinions on it. What would you do if you met someone and fell madly in love with them only to realise they dislike bondage?

In a way this has been a constant fear of mine when it comes to dating and relationships, in a way I would like to say if give up on it, put it to bed and let it rest whilst getting on with my life. Or at least that it what I used to think a long time ago. These days I'm not too sure if I could as I feel as though it's an integral part of my being who I am.

Let me know what you think?
Don't be scared. Sometimes in life we are scared to mention things and we can end up going long periods of time without doing something you love. It's most likely best to be open, mention it to them and take it from there. Don't push them into it but if they don't talk about it much perhaps their not into bondage or shy. Bondage as we know is a fun, part of the relationship and life. Excellent stress reliever.

Honestly, some people will react badly and thing its sexual, others may be not interested and others may love it for pure bondage as it is. You won't no unless you try. What you got to lose? As you know from my post, I mentioned I like bondage to a guy and he was absolutely fine with it. But after turning it sexual so quickly.. not a good idea 🤣 ain't spoken to him since.

If they aren't into bondage, you can continue self bondage or perhaps seek out to be tied by someone else or at a bondage studio
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