Hi, I apologize if this is considered off topic or inappropriate.
I'm a straight guy in his early 20s who's pretty submissive but can sometimes switch. I've had an interest in being tied up and dominated for a while, even though I haven't had any experiences so far.
Several years ago, I was in an abusive and emotionally manipulative relationship with a girl who, among other things, used my fantasies as a way to blackmail and bully me.
I've tried to put the incident behind but it's caused some lingering trust issues. I'm worried that if I share my interests with a future partner that I'll be hurt again. I'm naturally submissive so I worry I'll be easily taken advantage of.
How do people here typically establish the trust needed for TUGs? What are some important precautions to take? Thank you
Overcoming trust issues
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radarlove67
- Centennial Club
- Posts: 260
- Joined: 6 years ago
- Location: Manchester, UK
It is tricky, I had a similar experience once.
I just had to get back in to it. I remembered all the positives wii women who weren’t like that, and concentrated on the loving & caring partners I had met over the years. Take it slow, and be careful about sharing too much too quick with partners. And with patience and a little time you’ll find the abusive girlfriend is the exception not the rule.
There’s a common misconception that being submissive means you have to submit in all areas. That’s not true.
You submitting is about you allowing the Dom to have control, but it’s your choice - not something they take. If they can’t handle that, they don’t care about you and they certainly don’t deserve your submission.
I just had to get back in to it. I remembered all the positives wii women who weren’t like that, and concentrated on the loving & caring partners I had met over the years. Take it slow, and be careful about sharing too much too quick with partners. And with patience and a little time you’ll find the abusive girlfriend is the exception not the rule.
There’s a common misconception that being submissive means you have to submit in all areas. That’s not true.
You submitting is about you allowing the Dom to have control, but it’s your choice - not something they take. If they can’t handle that, they don’t care about you and they certainly don’t deserve your submission.
Lingering trust issues suck.
I certainly haven't recovered from relatively similar events previously. I don't put any trust in anyone anymore, and don't really intend to. My advice would be talk to people for a long time before even considering doing anything with them, it's generally pretty easy to judge someone's character. Never letting your guard down, while often making you seem insensitive, in my experience is usually for the best; never put yourself in a position to be controlled unless you know the other persons intentions.
It is my opinion that you should be able to go as slow as you want in any relationship, if the other person is trying to make things go faster and you don't want to, then end it.
Don't get me wrong- I'm sure that can be very annoying for the other person- but only doing stuff you are comfortable with is the easiest way to prevent being hurt again.
I'm lucky asf that I found someone that fitted me so perfectly given how closed off and antisocial I've been for the past few years.
Taking every precaution is going to cause you problems. That's inevitable. It's still probably the best option though.
Okay that's all pretty vague and useless advice but I tried.
I certainly haven't recovered from relatively similar events previously. I don't put any trust in anyone anymore, and don't really intend to. My advice would be talk to people for a long time before even considering doing anything with them, it's generally pretty easy to judge someone's character. Never letting your guard down, while often making you seem insensitive, in my experience is usually for the best; never put yourself in a position to be controlled unless you know the other persons intentions.
It is my opinion that you should be able to go as slow as you want in any relationship, if the other person is trying to make things go faster and you don't want to, then end it.
Don't get me wrong- I'm sure that can be very annoying for the other person- but only doing stuff you are comfortable with is the easiest way to prevent being hurt again.
I'm lucky asf that I found someone that fitted me so perfectly given how closed off and antisocial I've been for the past few years.
Taking every precaution is going to cause you problems. That's inevitable. It's still probably the best option though.
Okay that's all pretty vague and useless advice but I tried.
Hi [mention]lalut[/mention],
Just to reassure you that your thread is certainly NOT off topic. I hope you get the support you seek.
Xtc
Just to reassure you that your thread is certainly NOT off topic. I hope you get the support you seek.
Xtc
They all say boxer shorts are cool,
but little Speedos always rule.
but little Speedos always rule.