Unsettling Real Bondage Hookup (M/M)

[CaptiveDan]

As I share one of my best real kink experiences in another story on this same forum, I wanted to share one of my... not necessarily worst, but definitely a little unsettling encounters.

I'd been talking to a guy on grindr. He mentioned kink in his profile and we chatted about bondage. He shared he enjoyed tying guys up and keeping them in chastity. I said I loved being tied up, but at the time chastity was a no for me. We decided to meet up, the plan being that he would restrain me, lightly torture me (I'd given a list of hard limits), but that I would not cum. We weren't going to do any form of sex on this first meetup.

As much as I enjoy sex in bondage, as well as getting off in general, being tied up without the promise/expectation of cumming sounded fun. I enjoy being tied up for the sake of being tied up so this seemed like a good plan to me.

I went to his apartment. We didn't meet up in public first which was probably stupid, but I did make sure to do my usual fail-safes. 1: Text a friend my exact location, as well as a time that I would give her the all clear by, if I hadn't texted her a password by that time, alert authorities; the password was something only we would know (an inside joke we shared or a name of a character from a DnD campaign we were both in). 2: Write the address of where I was going and leave it for my roommates so if I went missing they'd have a lead. Not once had either of these ever been necessary. In fact, I'd felt very comfortable with every single man who'd tied me up so far. Not every bondage hookup was great, but I had never felt unsafe (the only time I felt truly mistreated/violated during my hoe phase was during a completely vanilla hookup - the kinky men had all treated me well).

Still, having these failsafes made me feel better as I went to let a stranger tie me up. I told this dude what time people were expecting me back home and headed out to his apartment.

His apartment was full of packed boxes. He'd mentioned that he was getting ready to move to a house, and that part of when I was tied up he'd be busy packing. I don't remember much of how he looked, but I remember he was about 5 years older than me, and pretty good looking. We made small talk for a few minutes as he got out his kink gear, but it was clear he wanted to get things started. I started to feel a bit nervous with how distracted he seemed to be, but chalked it up to just being the normal scare-rousal of being tied up

I stripped to my underwear as we'd discussed. He told me to lay on the bed. His bed had a metal bed frame with metal posts that served as good attachment points. He handcuffed one hand to one post and my other hand to the other post, stretching my arms apart. He put metal leg cuffs on my legs with a short chain between them, but didn't secure them to anything.

As he restrained me I asked him what my safeword should be. He said it could be whatever. I suggested red for stop, yellow for check in.

"Sure"

I can vividly remember the way he said it. It bordered on sarcastic. A sort of nonchalant 'whatever' response to what felt to me -a man quickly at the mercy of this stranger- a very important thing to discuss. Perhaps I read too into it, perhaps I was being overly worried. But as he locked the handcuffs closed, I felt more uneasy then I had hoped.

Whenever I'm tied up, I try to figure out how to escape. Usually I can find one, I'm very good at escaping. If I'm with someone I'm not sure I trust yet, I'll usually keep my escape option secret - play into the fantasy of being tied up while knowing if they try some shit I can get out. Once I trust someone though, I'm quick to let them know I can get free because I absolutely crave being tied up in a way that I CAN'T escape from - as long as I know that my dom cares about me / won't kill me.

Unfortunately the handcuffs he had locked closed. I couldn't release them on my own. It was both very hot and also kind of scary. I was immediately hard. My captor started tickling me. I thrashed around in my bonds, which hurt my wrists. Handcuffs are not a comfortable thing to be restrained in. He seemed to be having fun tickling me. He talked about how sensitive I was and how easy it was to make me squirm. I had started to relax (as much as I could while laughing uncontrollably), the tickling was exactly the kind of torture I carved.

He tickled me mercilessly. I thrashed and struggled to get away. With my ankles only chained together and not to anything I actually had pretty wide range of motion on the bed. I could pull away from his fingers, something that he didn't appear to like. He left me on the bed, then returned with the key to my ankles cuffs. He released me from them, and then used two more sets of handcuffs to cuff each leg to a different post. Effectively spreading me out spread-eagle.

He started tickling me again. This time my range of motion was severely limited. I couldn't get away from his fingers and had to writhe around and take it. I laughed to the point of nearly yelling. The cuffs on all of my limbs were incredibly uncomfortable to struggle in, but the tickling meant I couldn't help but thrash around.

Eventually he finished tickling me and left me laying on the bed, horny and sweaty. My initial hesitancy towards him had mostly faded, we'd done exactly what we'd talked about and it had been fun. He went to packing up his room while I remained handcuffed towards the bed.

It was quiet for a bit, but then we started to talk. Briefly about life, but quickly about kink. He told me usually preferred other ways to restrain men, but had packed most of his things or didn't have them for one reason or another. He mentioned how he'd wanted to put me in a straitjacket but had lent his straitjacket to a friend. I told him about how I'd enjoyed being straitjacketed in the past. He asked if I'd ever been put in a cage. I said that I hadn't, but was interested in it. He said he was moving to a house that was pretty far in the woods. He said he could put me in a cage and keep me there as long as he wanted. It was hard to tell if this was hot fantasy talk, or if this was an actual threat/plan. He talked about how he should lock my cock up to make sure I would come see him again. I reminded him that chastity was a limit for me, but he didn't respond or even acknowledge I had said anything. The feeling of unease cam back.

After a while of packing boxes, he left the room. He came back with ice, which he put on my chest - another torture I'd mentioned being okay with. As the ice melted, he slapped my thighs, each time hitting me harder. I yelled in pain. He told me to shut up, that the neighbors might hear. I tried to be quiet, but after a big hit I involuntarily welped. He left the room, and returned with a ballgag, which he shoved in my mouth and fastened behind me.

I love gags, I love being gagged, but we had not established a safe signal to use while I was gagged. My fear grew again, but after moving my tongue around in my mouth a bit I realized if I needed too I could push the ball out of my mouth enough to scream. This, plus the knowledge that I had people expecting me home who knew where I was, put me a bit at ease. He continued tormenting me with slaps, ice, and later clothespins, before returning to tickling.

I was "enjoying" the torture (the kind of kinky enjoyment of desperately wanting to be free from the torment and not being able to) and starting to trust him more. Perhaps the "uncaring" "somewhat threatening" dom talk had been party of the scene/fantasy. It had been hot, and I have to admit the fantasy of a man keeping me locked in a cage in his house in the woods was a very fun thing to think about. And so far he hadn't broken any of my limits.

But then he pinched my nose.

There is one person I have ever done breathplay with. My current partner of two years, who I trust completely, who knows me and cares about me.

I had absolutely NOT consented to breath play with this stranger.

I could get some air last the ball gag but it was definitely obstructed. I shook my head to try and tear away from his hand on my nose but he kept it pressed closed. I mmpfed and shook my head is disapproval. Adrenaline must have kicked in because I thrashed with all of my might, harder than I had during all of the torment before. I pulled so hard I ripped the handcuff of my right hand off the bed post. With that hand I pushed his arm away from my face. I stared at him with an intensity I don't know if I've shown anyone else. I wanted him to know I was ready to fight.

I pushed the gag out of my mouth with my tongue, and told him it was time for me to go. He pushed back against this, tried to tell me I was going to stay. I reminded him my roommates were expecting me and that they would call the cops if I wasn't home by a certain time. He said it was unnecessary and a bad idea. "What if you got in a car crash on the way home and they blamed me." He told me to text them and say I would be late. I told him they knew not to trust a text.

He unlocked my other wrist and then my ankles. After that initial pushback, he was actually very friendly and cordial. He said he had fun and would love if I came to visit him once he moved into his house. I tried to be polite, but left as quickly as I could.

I got to my car, messaged my friend the passphrase to say I was safe, and headed home.

I blocked him on Grindr, and reported his profile. Something about the encounter worried me, and I thought about letting some authority know what had happened. Ultimately though I didn't really have probable cause that he had tried to harm/kidnap me - and any of the things I mentioned as freaking me out could very well have him just playing into a role.

I do wonder if perhaps I had over reacted. Up until the breathplay moment he had respected my limits. Even the breathplay wasn't a full cut off of air, since the ball gag didn't form a complete seal. And while some of the threats of keeping me in a cage in his house did make me uneasy, in a different context that would have been very hot. Maybe he was just a very good actor, playing into the dom role but not actually meaning to harm/mistreat me.

With other men that sort of talk hadn't worried me. Me and a friend regularly talked about kidnapping each other, keeping each other in a basement or shipping container, making the other person our slave. But I'd never been afraid by those comments - only turned on - because I trusted that no matter what sort of bondage that friend put me in, he cared about me as a person. I'd even felt comfortable with that fantasy talk from other strangers/hookups, because with those guys I knew both of us knew it was part of a scene.

For whatever reason though, with this guy the vibe was just not right. Maybe I'm being a dick. Maybe we just weren't a good match. Or maybe my gut did actually save my life that day.

Still, the darker parts of my fantasies do find some of the encounter hot. Not that I ever want to experience it again, but perhaps one day I'll wite a fictional ending to the tale.

A fictional story where I didn't have my failsafes. Where I was a young and naive gay man who went to a strangers house and got tortured without mercy. Where the gag and handcuffs didn't come loose and I was forced to endure whatever sick plans this stranger had for me - this stranger who clearly didn't care about my pleas and cries for mercy.

Alternatively, an end to the story where he outsmarted me. Where my failsafes didn't matter because that wasn't his apartment. He'd broken in to someone else's place while they weren't home. When I threatened him with the fact that my roommates knew his address, he'd restrained me more securely, threw me in a box and brought me to his actual house in the woods. He would keep me in the cage he'd threatened to lock me in, secure in a basement far from anyone else - save for the other prisoner "burrowing" his straightjacket. We wouldn't need to be gagged. No matter how much we screamed no one would find us there.

These are hot things to think about - and probably could be a very good story or even a fun weekend-long scene to roleplay with someone I trust. But as much as I like being tied up, I like living even more. So probably for the best I never saw him again.

[CaptiveDan]

What do y'all think? Did I overreact to a guy who did nothing wrong? Or was this dude seriously bad news and I dodged being in the evening news?

[Bradboi]

Sounds like he got way too into whatever roleplay was going on and he definitely crossed some boundaries. Don’t think you over reacted however! Never feel bad for reacting a certain way and putting your safety first man.

[DeeperThanRed]

What do y'all think? Did I overreact to a guy who did nothing wrong? Or was this dude seriously bad news and I dodged being in the evening news?

Breathplay is not something you should joke with or engage in without at least discussing it first so I think you did the right thing either way. Gagging you without establishing a safe signal and not untying you until you mention the cops are also red flags imo.

Even if the guy wasn't actively malicious, you should be careful in plays like this and he doesn't sound like a responsible dom. Something could've easily gone wrong without him being a serial kidnapper.

Though as you said, it's pretty fun to imagine the alternatives to this scenario in a fictional setting. Irresponsible/selfish doms can be a hot fantasy.

[Boundguy800]

Great story. Love the borderline consensual/nonconsensual theme.

[Scottstud94]

Great story. Love the borderline consensual/nonconsensual theme.

Not a story, this is in true tugs.

[Scottstud94]

What do y'all think? Did I overreact to a guy who did nothing wrong? Or was this dude seriously bad news and I dodged being in the evening news?

I don’t think it’s either. You didn’t overreact. I’d freak out about breath play.

On the other hand I don’t think he meant harm. I think he got too into things. The cage talk seems fantasy talk.

But I wouldn’t have met up again.

[shyguy92]

Difficult to tell his actual intentions.

He definitely crossed a line, though. You were right to get out.

[mikeybound]

I definitely relate when it comes to my first dom. He pushed one or two boundaries way too hard, and I eventually had enough.

[Red86]

Nah I don't think you over reacted. His comments about the new house being in the woods far from others, while possibly true, was probably just a fantasy or mind fuck. I like many others can get into a scene and make comments like that but it's all part of the act. But I definitely belive he got way into the roleplay and crossed some lines. Breathplay is something I love to do when I'm dom (not some much if I switch) but I would never and I mean never randomly spring on someone I haven't discussed it with 1st. I'm not even extreme with it but I want consent before I proceed. Consent, even if it's a non consensual scene is key for both parties to enjoy it.

And you did right having all those measures in place before meeting him. 99% of people you meet for bondage are good people and have good intentions but you need to be prepared for the 1% who are not and don't have good intentions.

[Boundguy800]

Great story. Love the borderline consensual/nonconsensual theme.

Not a story, this is in true tugs.

A story can be fiction or non-fiction. I’m surprised you didn’t know that.

[Boundguy800]

Yes, I think you overreacted a little. Isn’t all domination or S&M a little out of our control?

[mikeybound]

Yes, I think you overreacted a little. Isn’t all domination or S&M a little out of our control?

Yah, you’re absolutely wrong here.

[tiedinbluetights]

Thanks @CaptiveDan for sharing this cautionary tale. For what it's worth, coming from a hetero-male whose only m/m and M/M TUGs were with his cousins in his preteen years, I concur with the majority that you indeed didn't overreact and were correct to trust your gut feelings and to get out of there the instant you were able to.

What I like about this true story, and prompted me to comment, is the care you took in writing up the details of your fail-safes. I understand why most of us omit them in our true stories, but it was nice to read them within the context of this particular incident.

Thanks for sharing.

[harveygasson]

Difficult to really know what his intentions or thoughts were but no I wouldn't say you over reacted. BDSM, Dom/Sub, Kink, Tugs whatever you want to call it or experience is all about trust in your partner and if this person didn't provide that it's not worth the risk. I've been fortunate to have a couple of experiences with people I've met online but it's always been with clearly defined limits and safety measures for everyone involved.

Your idea about turning the experience into a fictional story is certainly intriguing but I'm glad this event ended positively for you in the end.

[TheOldPirate]

Sounds to me as if you dodged a bullet there. Arguably you should have vetted him better and had a clearer discussion of what you were both looking for from the scene. As it was, he did pretty much what he wanted and you hoped you'd enjoy it. That's a good way to get into trouble.

It's my experience that people who enjoy being tied don't want to be able to escape. That's all well and good, but once you're tied & helpless, they really do have you at their mercy. I wouldn't recommend doing it with anyone but someone you implicitly trust.