Guilt and Shame – A Short Story
He struggled against his bindings, as the rain poured heavily outside. Thunder clapped in the distance, and in the flash of light the struggle to release his bonds continued. This went on for hours and hours, as he heard vehicles come and go. With tears in his eyes, he regretted ever leaving home, leaving the comfort and safety of his father’s town house.
What had happened a few days before was heavy on his mind. He had just gotten home from school, and despite all the excitement about the upcoming graduation, he was nervous and scared. His father hadn’t made it home yet, but he feared what would happen when he did. He was gay, and for the better part of his teenage years, he kept it to himself. But he was dragged out of the safety of his closet when whom he thought was a friend was no more.
“Hey Lewie!” he said to his friend. “What did you want to talk about?” Nate said, remembering the text his friend sent during English this morning. They were in the bathroom, alone now as most of the other students had left for the day.
Lewie’s face produced a smile that would melt a gay like Nate, and Nate had a tough time hiding his red cheeks. With that thick jock jacket with the yellow jacket emblem on the chest, and his thick blue denim jeans that contained what Nate imagined to be the large girth of Lewies member, and those shoes that housed those feet he had seen many times before at their sleepovers. “Oh those feet……” Nate thought….
The jock, with his fined toned body, gripped Nate’s shoulder. “Well, I think we should talk about something….something we should’ve talked about a long time ago.” He said as he gently moved his hand down Nates arm to his lower bicep.
Nate was confused and somewhat aroused at this moment. “Umm…what is it?” he said nervously.
“Well…..I know…..” Nate said softly. “I know….”
Nate was really confused at that moment. “W…What do you know?”
“Cmon Nate, don’t kid yourself. In all our sleepovers and camping trips you don’t think I noticed?”
Nate was both frightened and aroused at this moment. “C…Could this be real?” Nate thought as the fantasies of him and his friend played quickly through his mind.
His heart beat as his friend leaned in close. “Yea, I know buddy, and I think it’s time we stop lying to ourselves….”
Then Nate did the unthinkable as his body seemed to move on its own…his and Lewis’s lips met, and the kiss began…..
Those few seconds seemed like several minutes, as Lewis’s tongue met Nate’s Lewis wrapped him in his arms.
But the moment of passion turned into horror, as laughter from the bathroom door was heard. He turned around to see a group of football players standing at the door, cell phones pointing straight towards them recording the moment.
The intense beating in his heart was not from his friend’s mind, but from the realization that he was out. A tear streamed down his cheek as he noticed the snicker from his friend. “Haha, you fell for it. Wait till your father sees this…” one of the jocks said aloud.
Everything went numb then. He grabbed his yellow backpack off the floor and stormed out the door, hiding his face in his grey hoodie as he stormed out the front door of the school. He couldn’t contain the tears as he weeps of shame and pain whimpered out of his lungs. He ran home and knowing his father wouldn’t be back for a while, he quickly packed his bags and stormed out the door…….
……..It was three days since that incident, and one day ago since he checked into the hotel just on the outskirts of town. He didn’t notice the shady figures that occupied the place, nor the dilapidated state of the rooms. He didn’t notice the eerie smile of the hotel manager as he checked in, the only thing that was on his mind was the snickering of his friend. That was what hurt the most…..the grin…..
And while he was asleep, the hotel owner unlocked his room, stripped him of all his clothes, and tied him spread eagle to the bed. “Well Well Well, it seems like we have a new plaything” the guy said when Nate regained his consciousness the previous night. He wasn’t very much older than Nate was, but enough to make Nate uncomfortable, maybe in his later 20’s. But that didn’t matter now……all that mattered was that he was at the mercy of this guy…this stranger. But even is business suit and his straight, combed hair and his sparkling blue eyes couldn’t hide his malintent.
Up until the moment he got caught, he told himself that he didn’t care about his life. But when it was in danger, he realized that he wasn’t ready to go. He wanted to go back to his father and face his judgement, and he wanted to go back to his so-called friend. Anything but being in this situation now.
He heard the door open again. His evil smile was plastered on his face as he walked over to the bedside. The blue dish towel that was used to silence Nate was removed……Nate’s screaming the past day that was easily muffled by the gag and the sock stuffed in his mouth made him hoarse, but he managed to say a few words. “Please….let me go….”
The man put his finger over Nate’s lip “Now hush that, little boy. Your throat must be sore from all that screaming. You shouldn’t have yelled so much.” The man said as he caressed Nates left nipple. The man rubbed Nates flat, untoned stomach. He had the body of a nerd, never worked out but skinny. Of course, he WAS a nerd, and always enjoyed computer programming. He had plans to go to college and get a degree in Computer Science, but given the situation, it seems all hope was lost for that.
The man moved down to Nate’s belly button, and then down into the sheets that covered his lower body. Nate groaned as the man rubbed his member, and despite him struggling against the pleasure, the involuntary convulsions of his leg muscles happened anyways, and eventually his body shook and humped as ejaculate shot from his penis and onto his belly. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he stared away from the man in shame. “It’s okay boy, it’s who you are, and you loved it.”
“Now…..Close your eyes, little boy, and everything will be just fine….” he said as he placed a different rag over his mouth. With it’s sweet scent, he began to fade, as sirens could be heard in the distance…….
He woke up, blinded by the ray of sunshine coming from the nearby window. But instead of seeing the stained walls of the hotel room he was in, he saw medical machines and a mounted TV on the wall, and by his side was Lewis, tears rolling down his eyes. “Hey buddy.” Lewis said as he held Nate’s hand.
He noticed Lewis’s black eye and bruised arms. “H..Hey Lewis….”
“W..What happened to you?” Nate asked…
“Don’t worry about that…” Lewis ordered him. “I just want to know if you’re okay.”
“I…what happened?” Nate said.
Nate looked solemn. “Why did you run? I mean…why run away from home?”
Nate looked up at him, with shame in his eyes. In truth, Nate didn’t snicker when they were caught. It was just something he told himself and assumed that it had happened. After all, why would anyone be interested in him that way, especially Lewis? He had the same look of disbelief. But he pushed it to the back of his mind and only assumed the worst of Lewis, his best friend. “How could I think that?” Nate thought to himself. He turned his head in guilt. He couldn’t look him in the face.
“You could’ve died, Nate, DIED. If that guy wasn’t stupid and you didn’t have that find me app on your phone, we would’ve NEVER found you.”
Tears flowed from his eyes as Lewis yanked his chin toward him. “Look, I. love. You. And what those assholes did was beyond f@cked up. They were on their way home, and the group just happened to be there, and we were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“D..Did my dad see it?” Nate asked nervously.
“Yea….” Lewis responded.
“He must hate me…..”
“He doesn’t hate you! When he saw the video, he rushed home to check on you, but you were gone. You didn’t even give him the benefit of the doubt. He deserved that, didn’t he?”
“I…..I was scared….”
Lewis looked away for a moment but turned back toward Nate. “The thing is, you’re here now, with me….Talk to your dad later. He needs to know you’re okay and you need to know that he loves immensely.”
And for the second time, the two shared a kiss…..
