Chad came from a small farming community... just turning 18 and being accepted at Penn State .... he decided to try out for there walk on football program. Chad was lucky and got a room in one of the high rise dorms. He was assigned with a 19 year old roomie named Zack. Zack was from a wealthy family and was blessed with a body girls and guys drooled for, a charisma that he was loved by all. I secretly fantasized about him all the time and I jerked off every night to a picture of him. I was more a cyclist build , with the ability to contort my body in many ways. I secretly read tug stories and had many movies on my laptop. Zack loved to wear active wear , I had a small stash of leather . Within no time at all we had a close relationship. He wanted to play a form of strip poker. He had beer and I agreed to play ... I never played before. We started drinking beers and each had drank a 6 pack already. He told me the rules... I won the first 2 hands .. he was sock less and his shirt was gone. I got more brave and started to bet wild. 5 hands later I was in a gstring only. I lost the next hand and I was naked. He offered a way to continue. With bondage if I lost. I was drunk and agreed. I lost three more hands and I looked like this.
I wanted to give up ... but gag stopped me, and another guy shows up to bet for me... I should of known I was set up.. I lost and I see Zack pull out a footlocker full of wrap,shrink wrap and gorilla tape. Vet wrap tooo... I was mmmmppppggggghhhhing so I was in the dark what was going to happen next.
Wrapped up ... a college problem
First, welcome to the forum.
There is a basis for something interesting here. Especially the stream of consciousness style of writing could make for a very intense read.
But there is a lot to work on, too. Please don't take this as me saying "You suck", but as constructive critisicm. There is an interesting core here, but the presentation really needs some work.
The whole thing feels very rushed. You start off with the character Chad, but than switch to first person. I guess you are Chad?
Stuff happens in an insanely fast pace. It would work better to actually explain how you and Zack became friends, instead of just stating it in one sentence. During the game, talk about each hand (or at least two or three) and how it made and feel the win and lose. Zackss reactions would be interesting too. Does he get angry at the start, when he loses a few hands? Is he just cocky? Does it later become clear that he only acted like he was angry (if he was)?
Especially the end of the first paragraph ("and I looked like this") makes no sense here, we don't know how you looked. At least a basic description of the way you are tied would be a big improvement. And again, how it made you feel (are you ashamed, horny, ...).
"I wanted to give up ... but gag stopped me" sounds really intresting. Did Zack say you could always stop, by just saying so? And then he gagged you against your will, so you could technically always stop, but were actively unable to?
Finally, having a new player enter the story is a nice idea, especially considering that this was a setup. But it would be interesting to know more. Do you know this new guy? Why are you sure that this is a setup? And a setup for what? (These questions could also be answered in the next part, but not all, I think)
In general, you need to add detail, especially about how things make you feel, but also about just things that happen.
Again, I just want you to make more of your idea. Please look at this as ways to make more of it, not as me trying to scare you away from the forum.
There is a basis for something interesting here. Especially the stream of consciousness style of writing could make for a very intense read.
But there is a lot to work on, too. Please don't take this as me saying "You suck", but as constructive critisicm. There is an interesting core here, but the presentation really needs some work.
The whole thing feels very rushed. You start off with the character Chad, but than switch to first person. I guess you are Chad?
Stuff happens in an insanely fast pace. It would work better to actually explain how you and Zack became friends, instead of just stating it in one sentence. During the game, talk about each hand (or at least two or three) and how it made and feel the win and lose. Zackss reactions would be interesting too. Does he get angry at the start, when he loses a few hands? Is he just cocky? Does it later become clear that he only acted like he was angry (if he was)?
Especially the end of the first paragraph ("and I looked like this") makes no sense here, we don't know how you looked. At least a basic description of the way you are tied would be a big improvement. And again, how it made you feel (are you ashamed, horny, ...).
"I wanted to give up ... but gag stopped me" sounds really intresting. Did Zack say you could always stop, by just saying so? And then he gagged you against your will, so you could technically always stop, but were actively unable to?
Finally, having a new player enter the story is a nice idea, especially considering that this was a setup. But it would be interesting to know more. Do you know this new guy? Why are you sure that this is a setup? And a setup for what? (These questions could also be answered in the next part, but not all, I think)
In general, you need to add detail, especially about how things make you feel, but also about just things that happen.
Again, I just want you to make more of your idea. Please look at this as ways to make more of it, not as me trying to scare you away from the forum.
Provided by bondagefreak
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