A POLICEWOMAN’S LOT CAN BE A HAPPY ONE
When a felon’s not engaged in his employment (his employment)
Or maturing his felonious little plans (little plans)
His capacity for innocent enjoyment (-cent enjoyment)
Is just as great as any honest man’s (honest man’s)
Our feeling we with difficulty smother (-culty smother)
When constabulary duties to be done (to be done)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one
Ahhh
When constabulary duties to be done, to be done
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one
When the enterprising burglar’s not a’burgling (not a'burgling)
When the cut-throat isn’t occupied in crime (-pied in crime)
He loves to hear the little brook a’gurgling (brook a'gurgling)
And listen to the merry village chime (village chime)
When the coster’s finished jumping on his mother (on his mother)
He loves to lie a’basking in the sun (in the sun)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one
Ahhh
When constabulary duties to be done, to be done
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one (happy one.)
From ‘The Pirates of Penzance’ by Gilbert and Sullivan
When a felon’s not engaged in his employment (his employment)
Or maturing his felonious little plans (little plans)
His capacity for innocent enjoyment (-cent enjoyment)
Is just as great as any honest man’s (honest man’s)
Our feeling we with difficulty smother (-culty smother)
When constabulary duties to be done (to be done)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one
Ahhh
When constabulary duties to be done, to be done
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one
When the enterprising burglar’s not a’burgling (not a'burgling)
When the cut-throat isn’t occupied in crime (-pied in crime)
He loves to hear the little brook a’gurgling (brook a'gurgling)
And listen to the merry village chime (village chime)
When the coster’s finished jumping on his mother (on his mother)
He loves to lie a’basking in the sun (in the sun)
Ah, take one consideration with another (with another)
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one
Ahhh
When constabulary duties to be done, to be done
A policeman’s lot is not a happy one (happy one.)
From ‘The Pirates of Penzance’ by Gilbert and Sullivan
Detective Superintendent Sharon Greenhouse arrived home with a question on her mind, one she immediately asked her wife, Celia, upon being warmly greeted by her loving spouse. “Darling is it actually possible for a leopard to, in fact, be able to change its spots?”
“Oh sweetheart, you’ve got an unusual case on here, haven’t you? Out with it!”
“Yes. Remember I told you about that married couple, where the husband had been raped by his mother-in-law, and the wife abused by her new stepfather?”
“Yes. I vaguely recall this one. Remember I’m not directly involved like you are, my love.”
“Well, we arrested them today. All went well, and in fact the mother-in-law turned all remorseful, making a full statement pleading full guilt. Which didn’t go down well with the husband, or his solicitor. At first, I assumed it was simply a case of the normal when this happens, the suspect is not sorry at all, but have simply realised the evidence against them is overwhelming and are trying to engineer a reduced sentence. But my gut feeling here, is that there has been some sort of ‘St Paul on the road to Damascus’ situation going on here. I actually believe that she has accepted the disgusting nature of just what she has done, agrees that she needs to be punished and is trying to make some amends. Oh well, they’re both in the cells tonight, tomorrow they’re up before the magistrates, who will, no doubt, refer the whole thing to Crown Court.”
“Well let’s not dwell upon them until tomorrow, Sweetheart. As you do seem somewhat distracted, I believe it might be better if I tie you up tonight, as opposed to you, me?”
“I agree Darling Celia. It would be better that way; it’ll help me clear my mind. One thing I have thought about though, the young husband and wife. They seem really decent, and up for some rope work, but only by people they trust and like. I’d like to invite them here one night for dinner and drinks, and if, well, they ARE in the mode for some bondage, it’ll be rude of us to deny them! Make it like our wedding night. What a time THAT was!”
“Wasn’t it just Sharon. We could do with some practice like that, it’s Anita and Claire’s own wedding approaching, and we OWE them some payback!”
“Ironically the mother-in-law’s moniker here is also Claire. Mrs Claire Imogen Jennifer Duckworth. Wonder if this marriage, which I believe is very young still, will survive this?”
“I’d be more worried about your own marriage Sweetheart, if you’re not washed and in our bedroom in ten minutes time, just dressed in your lingerie and lying on our bed, ready for me to tie you securely to it!”
Sharon was in fact ready within the allotted time, just wearing the normal red, definitely Celia’s colour of choice, suspender belt and stockings. Placing herself centrally on their, red again, satin covered marital bed. Waiting for her wife to blindfold her, tie her wrists and ankles securely to the outer posts of the solid upper and lower bed frames, and then shag her half to death. As usual, Celia fully obliged! Which DID allow Sharon to forget about the two prisoners and their fate, worrying instead about her own, subject to the gorgeous Celia’s utterly awesome sexual skills and desires.
When both Claire and Graeme appeared before the local magistrates the following morning, as expected the case was referred to the full Crown Court. Both of them being granted bail in the meantime. When Sharon’s ‘gut feeling’ came into the equation again. Bear in mind that this lady officer was the youngest ever female officer to attain the rank of Superintendent in the entire history of the British Police Force, and no, she’d not had any high-ranking family members assisting her progress. This ‘gut feeling’ of hers had proven correct time and time again, often in the face of disbelief from her colleagues, especially in the early days when she’d been a junior officer.
To escort this couple home, Sharon had deliberately assigned a pair of very big, strong and powerful male officers, ordering them to park close to their home once they’d dropped off Claire and Graeme. For Sharon had sensed the trouble brewing between them as a result of Claire’s contrition, so she told those two men to stick close to the house, in case their presence was needed. As it proved to be.
No sooner had Claire and Graeme entered than the raised voices began. And it was after a particular frightened scream from Claire, followed by a violent crash as Graeme attacked her, that the policemen acted. Realising that they’d never break through the property’s solid door in time, one of them smashed a large window with his baton. Which enable them to fully open it, and enter the house, rushing to where Graeme was violently assaulting Claire, who by now had been knocked to the ground.
Where, like most bullies for Graeme certainly answered as such, the prospect of a REAL fight with two burly police officers instead of his dainty wife, frightened him beyond belief, and he immediately capitulated. One of them cuffed his arms behind his back, then using his partner’s cuffs, locked Graeme to a large and basically immoveable piece of furniture. Then radioed for an ambulance to attend, for as his partner who had rushed to Claire’s stricken body had indicated, she was in a really bad condition.
Both officers waited, attending as much first aid as they could as they waited for the ambulance to arrive, not paying her bound husband any attention at all, being ignored was something he wasn’t used to at all. His cries of “what about me? I AM here you know,” were met with total scorn. These officers couldn’t believe just how callous and selfish he was.
“I’d damn well keep quite if I was you! Look at what you’ve done. Don’t worry once the medics have taken over, then we’ll have time for you, and we’ll formally arrest you then. But for now, SHUT UP!” At least he had the sense to obey.
Soon the ambulance arrived, and the wounded Claire was taken off to hospital by the crew. Satisfied that they could do nothing more for her, the officers now did just what they said. Formally placing Graeme under arrest for assault, resulting in actual, possibly grievous, bodily harm, they unlocked him from the furniture, but not the handcuffs linking his arms. Taking him out of the house, placing him in their vehicle, and to the station.
Where he was interviewed and formally charged by the aghast Sharon, clearly relieved that once again she’d followed her ‘gut instinct,’ for it was clear that had she not done so the charge would quite possibly have been murder. After which she visited Claire in hospital, taking a statement from the victim. Before going to inform her daughter and her son-in-law of Graeme’s vicious and evil attack.
