Dear cousin,
I'm not sure what you were thinking when you insulted our dads and our two uncles by calling them, and I quote "old farts", but that definitely wasn't a smart move.
Our dads and our uncles may be getting a bit worn out, with them being in their mid-forties and all. But that's no reason to go around, teasing them about it. Especially not when there are four of them and only one of you.
You should've seen it coming.
You should've realised your mistake.
But you didn't.
For all your posturing and showing off, you certainly did go down pretty easy.
I guess those muscles you're always bragging about are just for show, right?
So much for going to the gym every second day, eh tough guy?
What's that?
Oh, haha! I can't hear you.
In any case, I was genuinely surprised to see how quickly you were taken down. Don't get me wrong, you did put up a valiant struggle. Not that it amounted to anything though. The four guys wrestled your smart ass down in less than a heartbeat and had you pinned to the floor and screaming like a little bitch.
I watched as they tackled you down with relative ease, and watched as they trussed you up into a really tight hogtie.
You were yelling and screaming a lot, but our dads and uncles didn't seem to take notice at all.
Even when you alerted them of the fact that you were supposed to be in town to meet up some friends, no leniency came your way.
Quite the opposite.
You should've seen the expression of glee on my face when my father retreated to his bedroom, only to come out a few seconds later with some duct tape and the pair of big, sweltering black dress socks he's been wearing to work for the past week and a half or so.
I should warn you, my dad has some really REALLY smelly feet. Trust me, you do NOT wanna be in the same room as him when he slips his work shoes off and airs his socked soles out. He has some serious foot odour problems and he doesn't wash his socks very often. But I guess you know that by now.
Even as the gag was coming your way, you continued to scream and yell, visibly unaware of what was to come. My father's big, cheesy fuckers were crumpled up into one large ball and your mouth was forcefully opened up and readied for the stuff gag.
You tried to fight, but the six hands holding your face hostage easily kept your jaw pried open and stopped you from wiggling your head around.
By the time you realised what was coming your way, it was already too late. I watched as your eyes went wide in terror and watched as you crinkled your nose up and contorted your face in disgust.
You immediately let out a deafening scream for help, but your attempt to alert the neighbours inevitably failed when my dad's giant bundle of heavily-worn office socks was rammed into your protesting orifice. Your screams and calls for help were immediately muffled out, to the point where they could no longer be heard or perceived from the next room.
I don't know how they managed to fit both of those jumbo socks into that loud mouth of yours, but they did.
Your face was duct taped shut and my dad's big, cheesy, putrid work socks were sealed in.
I was also pleasantly surprised by their decision to leave you like that for the entire afternoon and evening. Your phone's been ringing off the hook, and you've been trussed up and gagged for almost nine hours now. Yet the idea of freeing you hasn't come up at all and I'm starting to believe that our dads and uncles might've actually forgotten about you. Either way, I'm not letting you go.
I don't care if you're eighteen and older than I am, you were never particularly nice to me.
And anyways, who am I to step over your dad's judgement?
If he thinks you deserve a time-out, then so be it.
Besides, I'm kinda tired of your constant taunting and boasting.
I must say, I REALLY enjoy watching you gagging and choking on my father's fuming stink-bombs.
From the look on your face, you must not like the taste of his cheese AT ALL!
I can't say I blame you.
I can't stand the smell of it either.
Hope you don't mind if I take a few pics of you.
I have some friends that might wanna see this.
Oh wait, what's that? Sorry, bud. I can't hear you. Didn't your dad teach you not to talk with your mouth full?
Alright man. Guess I'll be seeing you around then. Who knows? Maybe those "old farts" will let you out by tomorrow morning.
Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!