Request by Mask6190
Claire Donovan sits in her home office trying to make sense of a few logistics papers rubbing the crease in her brow. Her deep red hair bound tight in a thick bun at the back of her neck. Deciding it was the cause of her headache she unpinned the bun and let her hair down into the thick braids she had wound it in.
Dressed in a peach-colored blouse and smokey grey skirt. Her legs glistening in the sleek nude hose. Her feet growing tired of the black inch heels. Her gaze turns to her fifteen-year-old daughter. Sophie.
Entering the room dressed in jean shorts and short sleeve shirt and blue and pink ankle socks (because she needs to be hip) approaches Claire's side and speaks calmly.
“Mom, could I borrow a skirt from your dresser?” Claire turns to her daughter curiously at thirty-four years old Claire considered herself definitely heavier than her youngest daughter who did not weigh more than ninety pounds.
“It is for a school play, I plan on using my own belt to keep it up” Claire sits back looking to her daughter for a moment before saying.
“We will see” Sophie whines rolling her eyes walking from the room Sophie marches out of the room. Shaking her head Claire went back to work.
a few minutes later.
Sophie was angrily stewing in the livingroom. Her strawberry blond hair hung just above her shoulders as she sat forward hands on her knees. She had been so excited to use her mother's skirt for the play.
It would work perfectly for the fifties style they were going for everything from the smooth looking Fedora’s the whole nine yards. The closest skirt she had in comparison was far too high the school would not allow her to wear it for her day dress. Let alone a school play. Growling Sophies' mood did not improve upon the sight of her older sister Eliza.
Seventeen years old long brown hair was draped down well behind her back. All too happy and pleased with herself.
“Hey little sis... someone is looking cranky”
“I am angry Eliza leave me alone...”
“I heard... some of your mopings... I know a way we can get into mom's closet” her sister's eyebrow arched with a grin on her lips. Eliza was a lean girl but a beautiful developing body.
Sitting down beside her sister she grins looking over her shoulder. Sophie inches closer.
“You grab the old camera, I am going to grab my bag” Sophie raced to do what her sister had suggested. When she came back down Eliza had her backpack slugged over her shoulder while Sophie held the camera.
“Alright follow my lead okay” Eliza speaks grinning as she straightens backpack in hand.
“Hi, mom whatcha doing?”
“Finishing up some work sweetheart you will need to wait a little while before you can use your laptop” her mother spoke as if she was on a pre-recorded audio track. Annoying Eliza to no end.
“This isn’t about that... not yet anyway I was wondering uhm well I was hoping I could get your help with something”
Claire’s eyebrows arched in amazement Eliza had reached the point of she knew best she knew everything she did not need the words of wisdom from her mother. Instantly Chalire was suspicious.
“with what sweetheart” Claire said alerting Eliza to her suspicion. Meanwhile, Sophie hung back around the corner listening to her sister and mother talk.
“I have this English assignment where I need to try and reproduce an older classic style advertisement. Everyone is just taking little things like watches and phones and trying to show it in the old bright matte colors, I thought of something different” Claire now turned very curious as to what Eliza was talking about.
“My thought was a short, very short commercial scene from a Saturday morning show like the littlest hobo or the jetsons”
“Do you mean kind of cartoony?” Claire asks and her daughter responds “I have a classmate helping me with a voice-over, I just need you to sit for me and follow a few directions”
“What are we shooting?”
“So you will help” excitement filled Eliza as she inched closer and Claire looks over her daughter skeptically before nodding.
‘Yes I will help you” Eliza grins and smiles
“Alright, I am going to get Sophie to help me I’ll be right back” Claire nods quizzically as her daughter scurries off. Surely a short video couldn’t be so bad. Maybe it was just a harmless prank or something.
“Alright, mom lets get you ready?”
“Do you want me to change into something different?” Claire asked trying to see her daughter react strangely but she shrugged
“no that outfit should be okay can you do up the top two buttons please?” the please had really caught Claire off guard. But obliged. Fastening the top two buttons she looks to her daughters as they pull lengths of rope and twine from their bag.
“What are you doing with that?”
“Oh relax mom it is just a little rope I borrowed from my buddy the one doing the voiceover... the commercial is showing a charming damsel in distress in danger calling out for a hero to rescue her” Eliza spoke when Sophie says quietly “a teaser trailer, to keep the kids on the edge of their seats”
“Yeah totally” Eliza unravels the coil of rope and hands Sophie a length.
“I will show you how to tie her wrists then you do the same to her ankles” Claire watches as her daughters descend upon her. Carefully Eliza nudges Claire forward and with careful attention not to make it awkward or painfully cross her wrists behind her back.
Taking the silk fabric rope. Sophie watched as Eliza first makes a loop then wraps the loop around her wrists pulling it good and tight. Her older sister took the length of rope remaining and began to wind it around like it was crawling up her wrists. Knotting the rope at the edge of her sleeve.
“Okay, you go for her ankles there Sophie I will start on her elbows”
“Elbows is all that necessary?” Claire asks. Testing her wrists alone she could not move them apart. It was quite uncomfortable trying to move her forearms between the arms of the office chair.
“We will need to have lots of rope to really sell the damsel aspect its one thing to have a picture of a woman in a chair her hands behind her back. But the show of ropes all over the same woman... gives people the mindful layout... like, oh she’s tied up and she doesn’t wannabe” Sophies explanation made very little sense but Claire went along with it.
Sophie had crossed her ankles and was looking over the pantyhose binding the rope snuggly in the same general style as her sister had done.
“Sophie, I was thinking you wanted to wear my little blue skirt right?”
“It’s okay mom I’ll live” Sophie retorts her little fingers digging deep into the rope to bind the know where she could hardly reach them herself.
“Okay I got her ankles” standing up the fourteen-year-old stands beside her mother and Eliza asks for help with the longest stretch of rope.
“Above and below her bosom”
“Okay girls I really have to protest ankles and wrist fine elbows maybe but the rope around my chest this is not some type of sick perv film is it?”
“Lord no yuck!” Sophie replies disgust thick in her pitch and Eliza turns to her mother “why do you think I asked for you to button up your blouse mother so you do not get rope marks on your chest skin, now I am going to pin you to the chair to show you can’t move around”
“I can’t move as it is!” Claire protests looking up to her oldest daughter. Moving awkwardly to peer over her own shoulder.
“Eliza comes on this is enough!”
“Almost done mother, Sophie takes this last strand and bind her knees too please” Sophie took the last length of white rope and began to bind her mother's knees pulling the joints together Sophie looped above the knees before cinching it snugly keeping her knees together.
“Alright, let's get a look at our model Sophie” Eliza pulls her sister away to gawk at their mother. Amusement plain on Sophie’s small grinning face.
The teenage girls had taken their mother and had her now bound ankles, knees below her bosom, and above her arms tucked harshly behind her back by her elbows and wrists. Her hair and face were undisturbed by their bondage
Their victim, however. Was growing more and more annoyed and anxious to have the binds taken off and Claire turns to her girls.
‘Alright okay, you have me tied up to get the camera out and start filming whatever you need the sooner this is over the sooner...ah this is really uncomfortable you guys” Eliza turns to Sophia
“One thing is missing?”
“The cloth thing that goes over the victim's mouth”
“The gag yes” Eliza agrees with her sister before kneeling down rifling through her bag to produce a pair of socks and a roll of white wrap.
‘Vet wrap, if it is gentle enough to use on horses it should be gentle enough for us right” Eliza smiles and Sophie takes the socks and approaches their mother. Who fought as valiantly as she could but tied down to the chair as she was.
When Sophie and Eliza were finished with the wrap and socks. Claire’s mouth was filled with weird tasting cloth soaking up all the saliva in her mouth and five layers of vet wrap encircling her head from her neck all the way up just below her nose.
“That looks like one of those gags on the shows, alright let's get started” Sophie took the camera while Eliza explained to her mother what she had wanted from her.
“I want you to wiggle around try to move your arms legs look around eyes wide like your panicking okay?” Claire rolls her eyes but nods. Sophie got the camera ready holding it Eliza directs her sister the way she wants the film to commence.
Starting with a close-up. Sophie drew back slowly. Eliza nods before signaling her mother to wiggle. Rising up as high as she could Claire began to shuffle her arms from side to side. Kicking her legs and wiggling her feet. Turning her head and gag talking.
“Hephf helphf plphf hphf!” her blue eyes wide calling out in fear she wiggles herself around on the chair looking down on her feet as she wiggled her ankles. Her daughters had done a very good job of tying her up. She had expected maybe a long rope around her body. Not several ropes are strategically placed around her most flexible places.
Five minutes later.
Eliza had taken control of the camera herself and began to move around the room getting the different angles of their mother's form. Smiling as she had kept their mother occupied for a while. The charade did not need to continue.
“Alright, that should do it... thank you, mamma, now the bad news”
“Huphf!”
“We did not need this footage, we did not even need to tie you up, we just wanted a way to get you out of our way as Sophie sneaks that skirt and I get a good chance to try on that burgundy dress” Eliza sets the camera safely in the camera case before leaving.
“Epha gephf baphf hphf utiphf mphf phiphf mophfephf!” shaking in her chair Claire struggles to get free this time putting real power behind her movements each one did nothing except pain the part of her body the ropes clung to or ware her out. It was only a couple of minutes before she had to lay back into her chair heaving air as she could not get anything out of her mouth. When she noticed it.
The gleam of a lense on the other side of the house. The neighbor boy! She realized she may have a saving grace after all. Wiggling closer to the window she began to call out.
“Pleaph phee mmm, plphf!” calling out did not do anything but cause and ache in her throat as she wiggled and squirmed trying to cause attention. Then the lens moved and the person behind them put the lens down. Oh, thank the lord someone was coming.
Daughters and their mother. ff/F par two is up m/ff
Daughters and their mother. ff/F par two is up m/ff
Last edited by WyattW5 3 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
A great start! I liked the descriptions of everyone.
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slackywacky
- Millennial Club
- Posts: 2626
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Location: Canada
Good story Looking forward to what might happen next...
Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.
Slackywacky, also @DeviantArt
My active stories:
Slackywacky, also @DeviantArt
My active stories:
- All in the family - Updated 24/04
- Bondage model by choice - Updated 10/04
- Hitchhiker - Updated 29/03
part 2 hope you guys like it.
John Bennet is an average growing boy. With a growing curiosity for the fairer gender. And Mrs. Donovan is a beautiful specimen. In young John's eyes. It had not started until three months ago when he happened to look across from his bedroom to peer into Mrs. Donovan's walk-in closet.
They did not close their windows or even pull the drapes so it was quite easy for one to peek inside. John had just been writing out a school assignment in the dining room when he happened to catch the faintest sound.
Hmphf curious John had stood up and walked to the window expecting to see his mother or Mrs. Donovan head over heels in their flower beds. Grunting as they try to pull weeds or something.
Then he looked up and into the window he saw her. Mrs. Donovan, her mouth covered in white fabric. Eyes glowing wide and huge John was dumbstruck by the sight... what happened to her?
Ignoring any thoughts of his homework left on the table John quickly scurries around the back hedges between their property. Ascending entering the house as quietly as he could John crouches down beside Mrs. Donovan.
“Are you alright?”
“Mm-hmm mmm gmphf dphf miphf tmm mmmm” John blinked looking at her before saying.
“Your daughters, Sophie and Eliza?” she nods as John stands up looking around he whispers seeing the backpack crouching down. Reaching in John pulled out quite a few coils of rope and rolls of vet wrap. Looking to Mrs. Donovan John asks.
“Girls upstairs?” she nods before starting to gargle into the gag trying to talk. Her eyes pleading for John to untie her the boy stands up and smiles.
“Don’t you worry Mrs. Donovan I’ll be right back for you”
slinging the bag over his shoulder. John ascends the stairs to the bedroom. Looking around he hears one voice in a bedroom down the hall and another one in the bedroom beside him.
Checking the room to his right he found Eliza the older girl in the master bedroom in the large walk-in closet. Deciding the closet was a good opportunity to strike. Walking up to the closet Jake sets the bag down length of rope in hand.
Eliza turns wearing a beautiful pink dress with an open back her eyes grew wide. “what are you!” Eliza calls out as John closes the closet door before taking the rope. Tackling Eliza she shouted and yelled.
“John, what the hell are you doing?”
“Well, you were nice enough to get your mother all tied up for me so I figured I would tie you up?”
“John get the hemm” clasping a hand over her mouth John held on until she stopped shouting and he took a wad of her mother's clean underwear and began to stuff her mouth. Using the vet wrap John wraps the first wrap around her teeth before wrapping her upper lip her bottom lip then two times around her bottom jaw. Anchoring the tape at the back of her neck.
Eliza did not make the effort an easy one wiggling and squirming in John's arms she tried to fight kick and slap at him but John had wrapped her ankles and hooked his feet together around her belly to pin her body close to his enough so he could use the wrap on her.
Drawing a breath of satisfaction. John had released Eliza’s from his legs to grab her hands and pulled her belly down he began to bind her hands behind her using the rope he matched the fashion the girls had used on their mother downstairs.
She had tried to escape his grip but once John gotten her seated and wrists tied behind her back John was quick to bind her elbows setting her shoulders on his lap he took the rope and bound her above and below her sprouting bosom to pin her arms to her body.
Laying her on her belly Elise began to scream into her gag. Shaking and fighting angrily she whines and calls out but the vet wrap and mouth stuffing are much too tight on her lips.
“Just calm down Eliza I won’t hurt you just think of what you did to your mother”
“Mmm jmm tmmphf hephf umm” she called angrily looking back on him. Wrapping the coil of rope around her ankles binding it good and tight wrapping the rope between her ankles. Cinching it tight John sits up to bind her knees together.
Standing up John looks down on Eliza the beautiful girl she is John could not resist crouching down removing the borrowed high heels from her little feet and began to tickle her feet and toes.
Brushing the edge of his fingertips John began to dig into the soles of her feet. Eliciting and Eek! From her gag shaking and fighting him John chortled before hearing someone outside the door.
“Eliza are you alright?”
“Nmm hllphf!” Eliza calls out screaming as the door opens to reveal. Sophie wearing a blouse knotted below her chest exposing her belly. And a pretty blue skirt
“Johnny what are you”
“Well I just tied up your sister for fun seeing’s as you two tied up your mother downstairs I thought it would be fun”
“How did you see that?”
“well easy to see when you park her in front of a window” John smiles taking another length of rope from the bag.
“Now it’s your turn” Sophie's expression paled as John approaches. Slowly coming forward. Sophie did the only thing she could think... Run!
Scrambling like a terrified rabbit. Scurrying back not thinking she ascended the bed jumping down from the bed she tried to scurry around him. But John was a patient hunter waiting for her to make her stumble near the door before wrapping his arms around her tummy picking her up and throwing her on the bed pushing her down.
“Easy Soph I don’t want to hurt you but you keep struggling we may just hurt each other” she did not hesitate to continue her fight. Growling down to the floor she was using the rope he bound Sophie’s ankles. Wrapping a loop around her ankles three times before winding the cord of rope between her ankles and cinching the ropes together.
“John please no don’t please stop!”
“Oh no Soph, no stopping this” tying her knees together he rolls her onto her belly she tried to wiggle away but John commenced to tickle her belly. Sophie squealed at that.
Sitting up John began to wind the rope around the woman's stomach before wrapping another rope. Around the top of her chest before taking the rope around her back. Tying her hands together. Binding her elbows.
“John please, this is not necessary” John fumbled inside the bag to find an old pair of socks in the bag and he began to stuff her mouth. Taking the last of the vet wrap roll.
“Plef nophf jophf nuphf plephf”
“Alright with that taken care of, I can use this” begin tickling Sophie's belly. Shaking her head she began to laugh and giggle profusely. Her face growing red struggling to breathe. Stopping his action John stands up and smiles.
“Alright ladies, while you two are occupied I will see to your mother”
“Nnmmmphf!” Sophie calls out but the vet wrap held her mouth firm as John crossed the threshold when an idea pops into his head. Turning back he draws out his phone and takes a picture of Sophie her blue eyes open wide with anger.
Opening the closet door to reveal Eliza still as he had left her. Her face warm and hair disheveled from the struggle. Snapping a picture of her Eliza shouts angrily into her gag.
“Whephf uphf gephf yuphf”
“Oh yes, I know when you get me you’ll hurt me but not before I let your mother out” Eliza’s eyebrows arched realizing his threat was genuine she began to shout and bark at him through the gag. Turning around John left the room giving the girls final salutations.
Descending the stairs coming up to Mrs. Claire Donovan her expression was flushed. John snuck a couple of pictures of her before approaching her side.
“Alright Mrs. Donovan I will have you untied in a minute” untying her ankles knees then he untied her chest and belly ropes before leaving her elbows for last.
“What were you doing with the girls?”
“They are tied up and I could not resist but tickle them a little... but they are unharmed” Claire nods looking up and down on the wadding of cloth-like tape in John's hand.
“Thank you for rescuing me John... but I should caution you on your peeking habits” John's cheeks grew red. And Claire smiles touching his shoulder.
“Don’t worry it will be our little secret but I think you should go on home. John, I need to have a word with my daughters”
John turns to leave the room but first checks the photos on his camera three beautiful photos of Claire, three decent photos Eliza and two of Sophie. These photos were going into his private stash.
John Bennet is an average growing boy. With a growing curiosity for the fairer gender. And Mrs. Donovan is a beautiful specimen. In young John's eyes. It had not started until three months ago when he happened to look across from his bedroom to peer into Mrs. Donovan's walk-in closet.
They did not close their windows or even pull the drapes so it was quite easy for one to peek inside. John had just been writing out a school assignment in the dining room when he happened to catch the faintest sound.
Hmphf curious John had stood up and walked to the window expecting to see his mother or Mrs. Donovan head over heels in their flower beds. Grunting as they try to pull weeds or something.
Then he looked up and into the window he saw her. Mrs. Donovan, her mouth covered in white fabric. Eyes glowing wide and huge John was dumbstruck by the sight... what happened to her?
Ignoring any thoughts of his homework left on the table John quickly scurries around the back hedges between their property. Ascending entering the house as quietly as he could John crouches down beside Mrs. Donovan.
“Are you alright?”
“Mm-hmm mmm gmphf dphf miphf tmm mmmm” John blinked looking at her before saying.
“Your daughters, Sophie and Eliza?” she nods as John stands up looking around he whispers seeing the backpack crouching down. Reaching in John pulled out quite a few coils of rope and rolls of vet wrap. Looking to Mrs. Donovan John asks.
“Girls upstairs?” she nods before starting to gargle into the gag trying to talk. Her eyes pleading for John to untie her the boy stands up and smiles.
“Don’t you worry Mrs. Donovan I’ll be right back for you”
slinging the bag over his shoulder. John ascends the stairs to the bedroom. Looking around he hears one voice in a bedroom down the hall and another one in the bedroom beside him.
Checking the room to his right he found Eliza the older girl in the master bedroom in the large walk-in closet. Deciding the closet was a good opportunity to strike. Walking up to the closet Jake sets the bag down length of rope in hand.
Eliza turns wearing a beautiful pink dress with an open back her eyes grew wide. “what are you!” Eliza calls out as John closes the closet door before taking the rope. Tackling Eliza she shouted and yelled.
“John, what the hell are you doing?”
“Well, you were nice enough to get your mother all tied up for me so I figured I would tie you up?”
“John get the hemm” clasping a hand over her mouth John held on until she stopped shouting and he took a wad of her mother's clean underwear and began to stuff her mouth. Using the vet wrap John wraps the first wrap around her teeth before wrapping her upper lip her bottom lip then two times around her bottom jaw. Anchoring the tape at the back of her neck.
Eliza did not make the effort an easy one wiggling and squirming in John's arms she tried to fight kick and slap at him but John had wrapped her ankles and hooked his feet together around her belly to pin her body close to his enough so he could use the wrap on her.
Drawing a breath of satisfaction. John had released Eliza’s from his legs to grab her hands and pulled her belly down he began to bind her hands behind her using the rope he matched the fashion the girls had used on their mother downstairs.
She had tried to escape his grip but once John gotten her seated and wrists tied behind her back John was quick to bind her elbows setting her shoulders on his lap he took the rope and bound her above and below her sprouting bosom to pin her arms to her body.
Laying her on her belly Elise began to scream into her gag. Shaking and fighting angrily she whines and calls out but the vet wrap and mouth stuffing are much too tight on her lips.
“Just calm down Eliza I won’t hurt you just think of what you did to your mother”
“Mmm jmm tmmphf hephf umm” she called angrily looking back on him. Wrapping the coil of rope around her ankles binding it good and tight wrapping the rope between her ankles. Cinching it tight John sits up to bind her knees together.
Standing up John looks down on Eliza the beautiful girl she is John could not resist crouching down removing the borrowed high heels from her little feet and began to tickle her feet and toes.
Brushing the edge of his fingertips John began to dig into the soles of her feet. Eliciting and Eek! From her gag shaking and fighting him John chortled before hearing someone outside the door.
“Eliza are you alright?”
“Nmm hllphf!” Eliza calls out screaming as the door opens to reveal. Sophie wearing a blouse knotted below her chest exposing her belly. And a pretty blue skirt
“Johnny what are you”
“Well I just tied up your sister for fun seeing’s as you two tied up your mother downstairs I thought it would be fun”
“How did you see that?”
“well easy to see when you park her in front of a window” John smiles taking another length of rope from the bag.
“Now it’s your turn” Sophie's expression paled as John approaches. Slowly coming forward. Sophie did the only thing she could think... Run!
Scrambling like a terrified rabbit. Scurrying back not thinking she ascended the bed jumping down from the bed she tried to scurry around him. But John was a patient hunter waiting for her to make her stumble near the door before wrapping his arms around her tummy picking her up and throwing her on the bed pushing her down.
“Easy Soph I don’t want to hurt you but you keep struggling we may just hurt each other” she did not hesitate to continue her fight. Growling down to the floor she was using the rope he bound Sophie’s ankles. Wrapping a loop around her ankles three times before winding the cord of rope between her ankles and cinching the ropes together.
“John please no don’t please stop!”
“Oh no Soph, no stopping this” tying her knees together he rolls her onto her belly she tried to wiggle away but John commenced to tickle her belly. Sophie squealed at that.
Sitting up John began to wind the rope around the woman's stomach before wrapping another rope. Around the top of her chest before taking the rope around her back. Tying her hands together. Binding her elbows.
“John please, this is not necessary” John fumbled inside the bag to find an old pair of socks in the bag and he began to stuff her mouth. Taking the last of the vet wrap roll.
“Plef nophf jophf nuphf plephf”
“Alright with that taken care of, I can use this” begin tickling Sophie's belly. Shaking her head she began to laugh and giggle profusely. Her face growing red struggling to breathe. Stopping his action John stands up and smiles.
“Alright ladies, while you two are occupied I will see to your mother”
“Nnmmmphf!” Sophie calls out but the vet wrap held her mouth firm as John crossed the threshold when an idea pops into his head. Turning back he draws out his phone and takes a picture of Sophie her blue eyes open wide with anger.
Opening the closet door to reveal Eliza still as he had left her. Her face warm and hair disheveled from the struggle. Snapping a picture of her Eliza shouts angrily into her gag.
“Whephf uphf gephf yuphf”
“Oh yes, I know when you get me you’ll hurt me but not before I let your mother out” Eliza’s eyebrows arched realizing his threat was genuine she began to shout and bark at him through the gag. Turning around John left the room giving the girls final salutations.
Descending the stairs coming up to Mrs. Claire Donovan her expression was flushed. John snuck a couple of pictures of her before approaching her side.
“Alright Mrs. Donovan I will have you untied in a minute” untying her ankles knees then he untied her chest and belly ropes before leaving her elbows for last.
“What were you doing with the girls?”
“They are tied up and I could not resist but tickle them a little... but they are unharmed” Claire nods looking up and down on the wadding of cloth-like tape in John's hand.
“Thank you for rescuing me John... but I should caution you on your peeking habits” John's cheeks grew red. And Claire smiles touching his shoulder.
“Don’t worry it will be our little secret but I think you should go on home. John, I need to have a word with my daughters”
John turns to leave the room but first checks the photos on his camera three beautiful photos of Claire, three decent photos Eliza and two of Sophie. These photos were going into his private stash.
-
slackywacky
- Millennial Club
- Posts: 2626
- Joined: 5 years ago
- Location: Canada
Now what is mom going to do about her daughters?
Thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.
Slackywacky, also @DeviantArt
My active stories:
Slackywacky, also @DeviantArt
My active stories:
- All in the family - Updated 24/04
- Bondage model by choice - Updated 10/04
- Hitchhiker - Updated 29/03
As usual your writing is phenomenal! Look forward to their mother getting her revenge! I love Mother/Daughter tie ups. Hope Sophie has her belly tickled plenty, honestly should probably have their bellies and thighs paddled some 
But yes once again great writing, love the dialogue and the characters here
But yes once again great writing, love the dialogue and the characters here
Hey, I am new here, so I don't know if this is kind of inappropriate, but I like feedback and tend to be very direct with it, I hope you take it positively 
Please watch your punctuation and capitalization! I liked the story so far but I didn't read it in full, since I grew more and more irritated by excess paragraph breaks and interrupted sentences. This paragraph is a prime example for this:
"Dressed in a peach-colored blouse and smokey grey skirt. Her legs glistening in the sleek nude hose. Her feet growing tired of the black inch heels. Her gaze turns to her fifteen-year-old daughter. Sophie."
It's a bunch of subordinate clauses punctuated as proper sentences.
Sometimes it wasn't quite clear whose thoughts you were referring to, since the POV switched a lot.
But the content is great
Please watch your punctuation and capitalization! I liked the story so far but I didn't read it in full, since I grew more and more irritated by excess paragraph breaks and interrupted sentences. This paragraph is a prime example for this:
"Dressed in a peach-colored blouse and smokey grey skirt. Her legs glistening in the sleek nude hose. Her feet growing tired of the black inch heels. Her gaze turns to her fifteen-year-old daughter. Sophie."
It's a bunch of subordinate clauses punctuated as proper sentences.
Sometimes it wasn't quite clear whose thoughts you were referring to, since the POV switched a lot.
But the content is great
Last edited by jafib 3 years ago, edited 1 time in total.
Meet Jessica in the Garage, Alica the baby-sitter, Phillip tieing up teen girls
Adult Stories: Naughty Tamara, Josefine the Model (all M/F)
Feedback motivates me to write more and continue a story
Adult Stories: Naughty Tamara, Josefine the Model (all M/F)
Feedback motivates me to write more and continue a story
-
bondagefreak
- Honorary Member
- Posts: 5510
- Joined: 6 years ago
- Location: Québec
- Contact:
Welcome onboard [mention]jafib[/mention]
I see nothing wrong with constructive criticism such as the one you've provided.
Some authors may be irritated or angered by it, but I'm sure WyattW5 will take it well considering he's also been heavily critical of other people's work on here.
For future reference, serious critique is usually best provided by private messaging.
But as long as the critique is light and balanced with some positive feedback (such as your comment about the content being great) there's nothing wrong with posting it on the open board.
I see nothing wrong with constructive criticism such as the one you've provided.
Some authors may be irritated or angered by it, but I'm sure WyattW5 will take it well considering he's also been heavily critical of other people's work on here.
For future reference, serious critique is usually best provided by private messaging.
But as long as the critique is light and balanced with some positive feedback (such as your comment about the content being great) there's nothing wrong with posting it on the open board.
thank you [mention]brashieel[/mention] [mention]slackywacky[/mention] and [mention]Bondage93[/mention] for your comments and recommendations.
special thanks to [mention]jafib[/mention] for your fine pointers of my work. I have always known I have always had poor punctuation and sentence formations. I have always tried to improve, only seldom succeed. I am glad you liked what you read of my story. and welcome to the board.
last but not least thank you [mention]bondagefreak[/mention] for commenting. I hope you have a lovely day sir.
special thanks to [mention]jafib[/mention] for your fine pointers of my work. I have always known I have always had poor punctuation and sentence formations. I have always tried to improve, only seldom succeed. I am glad you liked what you read of my story. and welcome to the board.
last but not least thank you [mention]bondagefreak[/mention] for commenting. I hope you have a lovely day sir.