Frustrations with self in the scene

[Mister The Edge]

I am kinda pissed at myself. I just entered my area's local BDSM scene with only a few contacts. My wife is allowing me to out and play, but no sex. So basically, I am trying to meet people and a submissive to play with, but I am socially very anxious and don't do this sorta thing well. I am more comfortable talking to people online, but I am a man and randomly trying to chat up women online is usually not an effective means of meeting them. I am not mad at women, but I am mad at the situation and myself. I wish I had the charisma and charm to talk to new people in person. I wish I had the experience to attract the sort of attention I am looking for.

[LK3869]

[mention]Mister The Edge[/mention]
Trying to get involved in a small and "secretive" ( for obvious reasons )community is indeed a long and frustrating task... And the net does make it easier on the surface but that doesn't necessarily turns into real thing... See what you mean. All that to say that may not has anything to do with you
From what I've gathered in my short experience - only 6 months, after years of solitary activity, so don't know what it's really worth - you gotta forget what you are and go all the way into what you'd like to be, kind of slipping into the skin of some caracter.
Others don't care who we really are, so really act like your someone else and the real you may stop getting in the way...
Hope that helps

[Mister The Edge]

Thanks for the words. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I actually talked to my wife about this yesterday. She suggested I let people come to me and let me geek flag fly and wear something (like a Doctor Who t-shirt) that may attract attention.

[LK3869]

[mention]Mister The Edge[/mention]
That's the idea !
And having sympathetic or at least "non hostile" wife, GF, BF or whatever is a gift you've got to "use" fully by finding what you need to balance your life, so that the other(s) part(s) of it benefit from that. All I can tell so far is you have to expect a certain amount of frustrations and awkward feelings ( "Do I look stupid?" "Did I went too far" or "can't they get what I'm after ?" ) but I guess that's the same for anyone... I think I frightened someone with a PM reply just a few days ago

[mikeybound]

How are you reaching out to the scene? If you’re on fetlife, you could find your local munch.

[Pup]

Recon FTW.

[Mister The Edge]

How are you reaching out to the scene? If you’re on fetlife, you could find your local munch.

I am on FL and I have been to a munch. Going to another may not be a bad idea. Munches are more casual after all.

[David Han]

I found out that just asking for it makes it work better. Or asking what other kinksters like. Munches are best for this. Then the play party.

[Fesselfan]

Well...we are all humans, after all, no matter if you consider yourself part of the BDSM scene or not. And all humans are different.
From my experience, in finding a passive bondage partner, two things are very important:

1) Be open about it. If you are not, well, your opposite can't read minds...so how is she going to know?
2) Be acceptive of yourself and your kinks. If you come across extremly unsure and unsecure, chances are a submissive won't hand her safety and well being over to you..


Cheers

FF