The Struggles of TUGS while living at home...

[Blakenome1999]

I love sites like this where you can meet like minded people about your love of getting tied up and tying others. But I’m only 18... and I live at home. I was able to keep up the “I’m going to the store” excuse for a while but now my parents are getting suspicious.
“Why are you turning off “Find My iphone”?”
“I’m just uncomfortable with the idea that you guys know my location all the time, I just wanna feel like I’m independant”
“Are you hiding something?”
“No! I’m not!” (I totally am but I can’t SAY that!!)

I obviously can’t say anything and I’ve dug myself into this wonderful ropey, duct tapey, restrictive hole that I have to keep secret from my parents... possibly forever. This will be so much easier when I live on my own and I don’t have to tell anyone why I’m suddenly leaving for three hours. My point is... does anyone have any suggestions of how to make this journey of regaining trust easier? My plan right now is just:

-If I’m going to meet someone, do it when my parents aren’t home.
-Stop using the same excuse over and over again
-Be VERY selective of who I meet so it’s less frequent
-Go back to doing more skype and video chat related Tugging that doesnt require me to leave the house
-fill my time with other hobbies instead of Kink related things... just for a few weeks and maybe months...

[David Han]

I keep a separate facebook account using not my real name to hide kinky activities.

[Solarbeast]

[mention]Blakenome1999[/mention]. I still live at home/with my parents and I am 26. I'm a bit of a late starter when it comes to finishing college and finding a future career, as I just finished college about a year ago and have been trying to find a job ever since. Luckily for me though I have been able to have single rooms at college for my last 2 years when I was there and before that, I would have a roommate that would rarely be there. I learned quite a few things of hiding things from your parents and one is to have alternative accounts for things if you didn't want them to know. Personally though, I never actually met with people from tugs sites so I never had the problem of trying to hide that. My problem was always trying to buy new items for self-bondage. If I did buy something for self-bondage it would either be left in my own car or I would rush it up to my room to hide away and the non-bondage things I did buy would be brought to the counter so they knew I had bought something, as I would often say I am going to the grocery store. Other things I would have to do, would be to name a real friend I had and say "I'm going to say a friend's house or going to go hang out with said friend," but most of the time I would end up doing something else and they would not find out because it would be a friend from college or a friend from some other aspect of my life that they didn't talk to at all, and this was even the case in a small town. Overall though, you just have to get creative and not tell the same lies over and over again, keep track of your lies.

[boundsub]

Hmm... you're an adult now and a simple "Going out to meet a friend. Be back around [time]" should be sufficient if they inquire. They're probably worried about your safety or worry you'll end up on the missing persons list every time you leave... I think I remember you mentioned in another thread you're playing with a trustworthy member on here so personal safety concerns in regards to that shouldn't be a concern.

But your parent's are tracking your iPhone though...? That's a bit much. They're probably also tracking the sites you frequent as well if so but I'm sure you're deleting your browsing history and such. I understand their concerns but you might need to speak with them about boundaries since they need to let you grow up if so. I can understand if you were a kid I guess but you're an adult now so you might want to talk to them about that.

You know them better than we do and there might be a cultural differences but IMO trying to protect and shelter kids too much can do damage when they become adults. Helicopter parent's who are also controlling might have good intentions but end up hindering, rather than helping, their children become self sufficient adults who can confidently navigate the challenges of the real world. I would even say that can be toxic parenting in some cases (not respecting privacy or boundaries, controlling, etc)

For now you're under their roof until you can move out. You'll probably want to hide your bondage supplies if you're not already. You can always hide them in your closet or a dresser drawer under clothes where your parent's won't look such as your underwear drawer. If they're searching your closet or especially underwear drawer for stuff I'd def have a sit down talk with them about boundaries and respect. I know parent's are worried about drinking and doing drugs but If they don't respect your privacy then it's time to save up money and get an action plan together to move out in the (nearer rather than later) future if possible.

I remember the struggles of exploring bondage while living at home... no pun intended. I can also relate with a few things you said such as being interrogated when I was going out since my father has a bit of a controlling, anxious personality- not the best combo growing up.

Doing self bondage at home was another challenge since you have to wait until they're out of the house for an extended amount of time but for what it's worth I managed to successfully do self bondage living at home for year and years until I was 23 (wish I moved out sooner btw) Until one day my parent's came home early from grocery shopping and my mother walked in on my self bondage fun But she was cool with it and told me later that day to not worry about it... just lock the door next time. Very embarrassing but she understood it. I know all parent's aren't like that and some would completely freak out sadly.

I moved out shortly after that and had as much bondage fun as I wanted in my free time- I could even have other guys over to give me a helping hand Living on your own is one of the greatest things even if it get's a bit lonely sometimes.

[bondagefreak]

I love sites like this where you can meet like minded people about your love of getting tied up and tying others. But I’m only 18... and I live at home. I was able to keep up the “I’m going to the store” excuse for a while but now my parents are getting suspicious.

“Why are you turning off “Find My iphone”?”
“I’m just uncomfortable with the idea that you guys know my location all the time, I just wanna feel like I’m independant”
“Are you hiding something?”
“No! I’m not!” (I totally am but I can’t SAY that!!)

Hey Blake,
I wish I could give you some meaningful advice and provide you with some helpful input.
Unfortunately, what you explain (and what others have described on here in the past) is incredibly foreign to me. It probably boils down to you and I being raised up very differently.

I cannot imagine my parents trying to locate where I am through a phone app, not at your age!
From where I'm sitting, that is an absurd invasion of privacy.
I used to have curfews when I was in my early teens and my parents (like any good parents) wanted to know where I'd be and etc. But I've had the privilege of never having to experience anything even close to what you're describing here, not at eighteen years of age!

My parents, especially my mom, brought me and my siblings up so that we'd be very resourceful and independent from a early age. Ex: early bank accounts, being able to do our own laundry by 12, cleaning up our own rooms, doing our own lunches for school and knowing how to do basic meals. I've never had my mom walk in my room to pick up after me, something that seems to be pretty common from what a lot of guys are saying. I remember thinking it absurd how some of my teenage classmates still had their moms preparing their lunches for them.
Like what, are you six!?
When I got my first job, I insisted on paying part of the rent.
I don't know. But from reading your (and many other parent vs tug accounts), I feel almost lucky that my parents weren't nosy and invasive like some of yours seem to be. They would've never gotten away with that with me, or my siblings, especially my sister. I wouldn't viewed that as a complete and utter lack of respective for my privacy.

Of course, you should always stay respectful to your parents, especially when living under their roof.
But don't let their intrusiveness become toxic. If you're eighteen and you wanna go out, you don't have to tell them s**t about where you're going or who you'll be with.

Your parents love you and care for you a great deal, but don't be afraid to tell them how toxic their nosiness is.
You've every right to go where you want and they've no right trying to track your every move.

Keep in mind your parents probably fooled around just as much as you did when they were your age (probably more so). So don't be afraid to stick that to them.

On another note, stay at home for a few more years if you can.
When you do move out, you'll find yourself missing your parents a lot (as hard as it might be to conceive right now). You usually appreciate them a lot more as you get older.
Just don't be afraid to tell them to buzz off when they try to get in your things.
And now that you're an adult and living at home, try to earn some more respect and individuality by assuming household responsibilities (grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking). Don't be afraid to impose yourself and become a household contributor once you have the means to. IF your parents are anything like mine, they'll back off and quickly give you your own breathing space while admiring their son emerge into adulthood.

You mention "Going back to doing more skype and video chat related Tugging that doesnt require me to leave the house" and "-fill my time with other hobbies instead of Kink related things... just for a few weeks and maybe months..." as a way to get around your parents becoming too suspicious.

Don't, don't, DON'T keep doing that!
I cannot stress this enough.
Don't go into hiding because you're afraid of arousing suspicion.
This has NOTHING to do with TUGS. This has to do with you being an ADULT. You should be allowed to go ANYWHERE without feeling that you owe your parents an explanation.
The more you resort to the above-mentioned methods, the more you're hiding from your problem and the more they'll feel that you going out is "strange".

You need to assume yourself, Blake. Go out, whenever you feel like it! Go to the store, do your own stuff.
It's none of their business whether you're going out to buy groceries, shop for clothes, or meet someone for TUGs.

[Mouthless]

You’re 18 and your parents want to keep a tracker on your location? That’s a massive invasion of privacy. Tell them you’re going to hang out with a friend. You’re an adult.

[Nexus]

To me there's a bit of a middle ground between how you're living and the advice being given. I feel it's common courtesy to let anyone you may be living with know that you are going out. They may be planning meals around you, or worrying if you're gone a long time/over night.

That said, at your age a simple "I'm going to hang out with friends, be back later" should be more than enough. And this iPhone tracker business is straight up controlling bullsh*t.

[Mouthless]

To me there's a bit of a middle ground between how you're living and the advice being given. I feel it's common courtesy to let anyone you may be living with know that you are going out. They may be planning meals around you, or worrying if you're gone a long time/over night.

That said, at your age a simple "I'm going to hang out with friends, be back later" should be more than enough. And this iPhone tracker business is straight up controlling bullsh*t.

You’re damn right it is.

[drawscore]

For a humorous look at the situation, there's a book that might be worth a look, although it might be more applicable to younger (14-17 year old) teens.

The title is "Where Did You Go?" "Out." "What Did You Do?" "Nothing."

Drawscore