Second Chance (F/m) Final Part Posted (9/2)
Posted: Sat Aug 22, 2020 7:43 am
This story begins kind of dark. This story will not be as long as my other running story (I will get back to that story soon. I made a small mention to that story here). I’ve been struggling a lot in my life and this is something that I’ve been thinking about. This story is mainly fiction but some details are based on personal experiences.
--
I wrapped the rope into an s shape so that there were three neat rows of rope lying parallel to one above the other. I then pinched the ropes together in the middle and used the top row to wrap around the pinched space. I pulled the ropes tight until a small loop was left at the end just enough for my head to squeeze through. I took the excess length and tied it to the doorknob of my closet and threw the loop over the top of the door and closed the door. Once the loop was secured and was at the correct height, I grabbed the chair stationed under to my computer desk and brought it over to the door.
I stood atop of the chair, took a deep breath and squeezed my head through the loop. Tightened the loop around my neck and adjusted the knot so it was now behind my neck. I looked toward the computer desk and saw the poorly written note I left for someone to find.
“How did I end up like this?” I wondered looking down.
“Never thought I would be tying one of these” I thought as I grasped the noose around my neck.
Several years ago,
I was on top of the world, I had landed a well-paying civil engineering job right out of college with benefits and a retirement plan, approaching my four year anniversary in a loving and fulfilling relationship with my girlfriend, and moved into a new apartment building with a bright future ahead. I couldn’t believe my luck as I was only 24 years old at the time. Living in Southern California was always a dream of mine and I couldn’t believe it was finally a reality. I lived extremely close by to my girlfriend who was living in an apartment near her medical school.
I’m 5 foot 9 inches. I had naturally black hair but dyed it into a light brown. I wasn’t the most athletic person in the world, but I was by no means out of shape. I was just very average looking in my eye. I’m a very shy person who is usually outspoken and usually afraid of trying new things.
My girlfriend is 5 foot 4 inches. She has long black hair and wears thick black rimmed glasses. I thought she was the prettiest and cutest girl in the world and was surprised to even find myself talking to her let alone in a relationship with her.
Where did everything go wrong?
The feeling of being on top of the world didn’t last long enough before things started to turn sour. My job was getting more and more demanding and I couldn’t keep up. Eventually, I was let go. Fortunately, I had enough money saved to last 2 years. During the first couple weeks of my unemployment, I tried to remain strong and kept looking for new job opportunities. Unfortunately, all the jobs that paid close to the amount I was making before rejected me and all the jobs that did accept me were low paying entry level jobs. In the end, I didn’t get re employed but found myself drinking to numb myself when I got rejected from jobs. I never told my parents that I was laid off, I kept a smile on my face and told them everything was perfect.
Eventually, issues started arising in my relationship, less sex, less communication, and unhappy times when we were together. I did a lot of things to my girlfriend that I’m ashamed of and regretted. I said so many hurtful things to her that I wish I could have taken back. I pushed all my issues on to her and my failures. Eventually, we broke up and I was completely alone. Like most relationships, I eventually left all of her things on her doorstep and she left all of my things on my doorstep. Two months later, I stalked her social media presence and she was still single. I found myself messaging her asking her to meetup for coffee. At the coffee shop, I pleaded for her to give me another chance and apologized for everything I had done and promised to be better.
She was polite and cordial but in the end, she said it was nice seeing me again, but it would be in both of our interests if we were to both move on. I couldn’t tell with all the emotions raging inside of me but I swear I saw that she shed a tear as she walked out.
Alas, it just wasn’t meant to be. She was doing great things, finishing her final year in medical school and working at a local hospital close to the school. I on the other hand, haven’t really improved at all, still no job, still drinking, and still feeling sorry for myself.
Anyway, fast forward to now, I stopped drinking and am still looking for a job. I’m tired of trying though. I’m tired of fighting. Most of the time I spend during the day is looking for jobs or lying in my bed crying myself to sleep. I’m approaching the last of my savings as I have been unemployed close to two years now, and things haven’t been looking up.
28 years old and all alone. It’s finally time I throw in the towel. I looked down, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I kicked the back rest of the chair with all my might knocking the chair down.
Immediately, I felt a tugging on my neck and my feet had nothing to rest on. My whole body weight was now being suspended by the rope around my neck. My head started to feel warm, and my hands unconsciously tried to pull the rope around to my neck to no avail. I wasn’t necessarily in pain but I wasn’t comfortable neither. As I struggled for air, my life flashed before my eyes, from the earliest moments of childhood all the way till now. It was so strange, I could still clearly see my bedroom in front of me but I could also see my past flashing in front of me as if it was being played like a film on top of what I could see. It was if my eyes were processing two distinct and clear images right on top of each other. Eventually, the world started to grow dark as I began to lose consciousness. As I was about to fade into the darkness, I heard the doorbell.
“Oh well.” I thought and closed my eyes and allowed myself to fade away. It’s probably just another rejection letter.
Eventually, I awoke and tried to open my eyes only to see darkness. I felt like I was laying down, and I tried to bend forward but found myself unable to as if I was welded in place. There was no sound, as I tried to move around. Although I couldn’t see, I felt as if my arms were stuck to my side and pushing against something silky and cool. My legs were tightly stuck together. Surprisingly, I was extremely comfortable, it felt as if I was in a slick and slippery blanket of darkness, but my throat did feel dry.
“Is this life after death, nothingness?” I thought as I started to remember the events that led to this.
“Hello?” I tried to say but couldn’t even hear my own voice.
I felt something touching my ears and I could hear again.
“What’s going to happen to me? Am I just stuck here after death?” I said again now being able to hear only to be greeted by straw touching my mouth. I sucked greedily and accepted the water gratefully.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” I heard a girl’s voice shouting at me.
“Who are you?" I asked weakly
“Who do you think?” She said angrily, as she tugged at something on my eyes.
I felt a soft cloth fall on to my neck. I opened my eyes but had to close them as the brightness blinded me. Once my eyes adjusted, I looked around. I was in my room, the noose still firmly tied to the bedroom door. The chair was neatly pushed back to my desk. I looked down at myself to see I was covered in a white satin sheet. There were several black silk scarves wrapped around my body. Two on my chest pinning my arms to my side, one above and one below my knees.
I looked to my left and saw my ex-girlfriend sitting on the bed beside me, with tears in her eyes. She was wearing her thick rimmed glasses, a white t-shirt, and black track pants with stripes on the side.
I immediately tilted my head up and looked at the ceiling, trying my best to avoid eye contact.
“Um, what are you doing here Tiffany?” I asked weekly
I felt a sharp sting on my cheek as she slapped me before she jumped up and sat on top of me, looking me in the eyes. Her brown eyes looking intently at me.
“I am finally back in California after a year, and I wanted to see how you were doing. I was at your door when I heard a loud thud, I rang the doorbell but you didn’t answer. I remembered from before that you use to leave a key in the planter box next to your door so I let myself in. I called out to you but no one responded. Eventually, I saw some rope tied to your bedroom door’s handle that came from above the door. I opened the door, to find you hanging there, limp with your eyes closed. I ran over to you, checked your pulse and untied the rope from your neck before moving you out on the bed. I was so scared.”
I looked at the trembling girl sitting on top of me.
“Why am I tied up?” I asked
“You’re tied up because I don’t trust you.” Tiffany said
“Why did she want to see me?” I wondered. “Did she still have feelings for me?”
There was an awkward silence where we both just looked at each other.
“Look Tiffany, can you untie me, I’ll call you an Uber, and I’ll be fine.” I said trying to keep my composure as a wave of sadness came over me as I tilted my head to the left. I was so surprised to see her here but I knew I didn’t belong anywhere near her.
Tiffany shook her head, “I’m staying the night and you’re not going anywhere.”
“But why? I said struggling in my blanket.
She slapped me again.
“Justin, I still have feelings for you, but I just couldn’t admit it a year ago when we met at that coffee shop. I wanted to be done with everything, but after I left, I realized what I had lost. After that, I had to do residency at a college out of state and during that time away, I thought of you. I landed a position as a family doctor at the local hospital close by. When I came back, I thought I’d come see you so we could fix things.”
My brain was flooded with so many questions. A range of emotions ran through me as I looked at the girl that meant everything to me at one point. It pained me heavily to look at her cry.
“But why? I was terrible, I’m a failure, and I don’t belong with someone like you. I treated you so badly, I said so many mean things to you. So why? I could never make you happy.” I cried out with tears pouring out of my eyes.
“I don’t deserve you.” I whispered quietly
Tiffany stopped crying, reached into her bag and pulled out a roll of duct tape.
“I don’t want to hear it, you obviously need some time to cool down. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Wait, what are you doing? Untie me!” I said as she approached my lips with the tape.
“Just keep your lips closed and we can talk about this tomorrow ok?” She pushed her hand over my lips.
I struggled against her hand but she wouldn’t let go until I nodded my head.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered quietly.
With that, she placed several strips of tape over my lips. She gave me a kiss on the cheek before taking the silk cloth around my neck and retied it over my eyes. I felt her replace the ear plugs in my ear before I was left alone with my thoughts.
This girl meant everything to me at one point. She was my source of happiness, she was my best friend, but do I really deserve her? To hear that she still has feelings for me made me so happy. So incredibly happy, but I don’t want to hurt her again. But with her in my life again, this might be my second chance to turn this all around. I want to do better for her but I want to do better to prove it to myself that I’m worth something. I just needed a little help. This was what I wanted in the first place all that time ago. A second chance.
After a while, I felt a weight on the bed beside me. She pulled the earplugs out of my ear.
“Your apartment is such a mess nowadays, what happened to you?” her soft voice tickling my ear.
“Mmpph” I tried to say sorry. I use to be a clean freak that often got on her case about being sloppy or leaving things out of place but I stopped caring a long time ago.
I felt her shift her weight, she turned my body so that I was facing her before she embraced me in her arms. My head now resting on her shoulder. Her hair was a little damp but she smelled pleasant and clean. I haven’t been held by anyone since we broke up almost 2 years ago. I broke down and started crying under my blindfold. She was so warm, so gentle, and so loving.
“I love you Justin. I hope you can forgive me. You mean so much to me. We can talk more tomorrow, do you still love me?” She said as she wrapped her legs around me as well.
I couldn’t say anything, so in my best attempt, I wiggled closer to her face and planted the best gagged kiss I could on her lips. She giggled before she returned the kiss where my mouth would be.
“My first night with you again, and you always seem to take the blanket all to yourself when we’re in bed together,” she laughed “I guess I just have to hold you to stay warm”
She squeezed me and held me tightly.
“I fucking missed you so much. So so much.” Tiffany whispered in my ear. As we both gradually fell asleep.
--
I wrapped the rope into an s shape so that there were three neat rows of rope lying parallel to one above the other. I then pinched the ropes together in the middle and used the top row to wrap around the pinched space. I pulled the ropes tight until a small loop was left at the end just enough for my head to squeeze through. I took the excess length and tied it to the doorknob of my closet and threw the loop over the top of the door and closed the door. Once the loop was secured and was at the correct height, I grabbed the chair stationed under to my computer desk and brought it over to the door.
I stood atop of the chair, took a deep breath and squeezed my head through the loop. Tightened the loop around my neck and adjusted the knot so it was now behind my neck. I looked toward the computer desk and saw the poorly written note I left for someone to find.
“How did I end up like this?” I wondered looking down.
“Never thought I would be tying one of these” I thought as I grasped the noose around my neck.
Several years ago,
I was on top of the world, I had landed a well-paying civil engineering job right out of college with benefits and a retirement plan, approaching my four year anniversary in a loving and fulfilling relationship with my girlfriend, and moved into a new apartment building with a bright future ahead. I couldn’t believe my luck as I was only 24 years old at the time. Living in Southern California was always a dream of mine and I couldn’t believe it was finally a reality. I lived extremely close by to my girlfriend who was living in an apartment near her medical school.
I’m 5 foot 9 inches. I had naturally black hair but dyed it into a light brown. I wasn’t the most athletic person in the world, but I was by no means out of shape. I was just very average looking in my eye. I’m a very shy person who is usually outspoken and usually afraid of trying new things.
My girlfriend is 5 foot 4 inches. She has long black hair and wears thick black rimmed glasses. I thought she was the prettiest and cutest girl in the world and was surprised to even find myself talking to her let alone in a relationship with her.
Where did everything go wrong?
The feeling of being on top of the world didn’t last long enough before things started to turn sour. My job was getting more and more demanding and I couldn’t keep up. Eventually, I was let go. Fortunately, I had enough money saved to last 2 years. During the first couple weeks of my unemployment, I tried to remain strong and kept looking for new job opportunities. Unfortunately, all the jobs that paid close to the amount I was making before rejected me and all the jobs that did accept me were low paying entry level jobs. In the end, I didn’t get re employed but found myself drinking to numb myself when I got rejected from jobs. I never told my parents that I was laid off, I kept a smile on my face and told them everything was perfect.
Eventually, issues started arising in my relationship, less sex, less communication, and unhappy times when we were together. I did a lot of things to my girlfriend that I’m ashamed of and regretted. I said so many hurtful things to her that I wish I could have taken back. I pushed all my issues on to her and my failures. Eventually, we broke up and I was completely alone. Like most relationships, I eventually left all of her things on her doorstep and she left all of my things on my doorstep. Two months later, I stalked her social media presence and she was still single. I found myself messaging her asking her to meetup for coffee. At the coffee shop, I pleaded for her to give me another chance and apologized for everything I had done and promised to be better.
She was polite and cordial but in the end, she said it was nice seeing me again, but it would be in both of our interests if we were to both move on. I couldn’t tell with all the emotions raging inside of me but I swear I saw that she shed a tear as she walked out.
Alas, it just wasn’t meant to be. She was doing great things, finishing her final year in medical school and working at a local hospital close to the school. I on the other hand, haven’t really improved at all, still no job, still drinking, and still feeling sorry for myself.
Anyway, fast forward to now, I stopped drinking and am still looking for a job. I’m tired of trying though. I’m tired of fighting. Most of the time I spend during the day is looking for jobs or lying in my bed crying myself to sleep. I’m approaching the last of my savings as I have been unemployed close to two years now, and things haven’t been looking up.
28 years old and all alone. It’s finally time I throw in the towel. I looked down, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I kicked the back rest of the chair with all my might knocking the chair down.
Immediately, I felt a tugging on my neck and my feet had nothing to rest on. My whole body weight was now being suspended by the rope around my neck. My head started to feel warm, and my hands unconsciously tried to pull the rope around to my neck to no avail. I wasn’t necessarily in pain but I wasn’t comfortable neither. As I struggled for air, my life flashed before my eyes, from the earliest moments of childhood all the way till now. It was so strange, I could still clearly see my bedroom in front of me but I could also see my past flashing in front of me as if it was being played like a film on top of what I could see. It was if my eyes were processing two distinct and clear images right on top of each other. Eventually, the world started to grow dark as I began to lose consciousness. As I was about to fade into the darkness, I heard the doorbell.
“Oh well.” I thought and closed my eyes and allowed myself to fade away. It’s probably just another rejection letter.
Eventually, I awoke and tried to open my eyes only to see darkness. I felt like I was laying down, and I tried to bend forward but found myself unable to as if I was welded in place. There was no sound, as I tried to move around. Although I couldn’t see, I felt as if my arms were stuck to my side and pushing against something silky and cool. My legs were tightly stuck together. Surprisingly, I was extremely comfortable, it felt as if I was in a slick and slippery blanket of darkness, but my throat did feel dry.
“Is this life after death, nothingness?” I thought as I started to remember the events that led to this.
“Hello?” I tried to say but couldn’t even hear my own voice.
I felt something touching my ears and I could hear again.
“What’s going to happen to me? Am I just stuck here after death?” I said again now being able to hear only to be greeted by straw touching my mouth. I sucked greedily and accepted the water gratefully.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” I heard a girl’s voice shouting at me.
“Who are you?" I asked weakly
“Who do you think?” She said angrily, as she tugged at something on my eyes.
I felt a soft cloth fall on to my neck. I opened my eyes but had to close them as the brightness blinded me. Once my eyes adjusted, I looked around. I was in my room, the noose still firmly tied to the bedroom door. The chair was neatly pushed back to my desk. I looked down at myself to see I was covered in a white satin sheet. There were several black silk scarves wrapped around my body. Two on my chest pinning my arms to my side, one above and one below my knees.
I looked to my left and saw my ex-girlfriend sitting on the bed beside me, with tears in her eyes. She was wearing her thick rimmed glasses, a white t-shirt, and black track pants with stripes on the side.
I immediately tilted my head up and looked at the ceiling, trying my best to avoid eye contact.
“Um, what are you doing here Tiffany?” I asked weekly
I felt a sharp sting on my cheek as she slapped me before she jumped up and sat on top of me, looking me in the eyes. Her brown eyes looking intently at me.
“I am finally back in California after a year, and I wanted to see how you were doing. I was at your door when I heard a loud thud, I rang the doorbell but you didn’t answer. I remembered from before that you use to leave a key in the planter box next to your door so I let myself in. I called out to you but no one responded. Eventually, I saw some rope tied to your bedroom door’s handle that came from above the door. I opened the door, to find you hanging there, limp with your eyes closed. I ran over to you, checked your pulse and untied the rope from your neck before moving you out on the bed. I was so scared.”
I looked at the trembling girl sitting on top of me.
“Why am I tied up?” I asked
“You’re tied up because I don’t trust you.” Tiffany said
“Why did she want to see me?” I wondered. “Did she still have feelings for me?”
There was an awkward silence where we both just looked at each other.
“Look Tiffany, can you untie me, I’ll call you an Uber, and I’ll be fine.” I said trying to keep my composure as a wave of sadness came over me as I tilted my head to the left. I was so surprised to see her here but I knew I didn’t belong anywhere near her.
Tiffany shook her head, “I’m staying the night and you’re not going anywhere.”
“But why? I said struggling in my blanket.
She slapped me again.
“Justin, I still have feelings for you, but I just couldn’t admit it a year ago when we met at that coffee shop. I wanted to be done with everything, but after I left, I realized what I had lost. After that, I had to do residency at a college out of state and during that time away, I thought of you. I landed a position as a family doctor at the local hospital close by. When I came back, I thought I’d come see you so we could fix things.”
My brain was flooded with so many questions. A range of emotions ran through me as I looked at the girl that meant everything to me at one point. It pained me heavily to look at her cry.
“But why? I was terrible, I’m a failure, and I don’t belong with someone like you. I treated you so badly, I said so many mean things to you. So why? I could never make you happy.” I cried out with tears pouring out of my eyes.
“I don’t deserve you.” I whispered quietly
Tiffany stopped crying, reached into her bag and pulled out a roll of duct tape.
“I don’t want to hear it, you obviously need some time to cool down. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Wait, what are you doing? Untie me!” I said as she approached my lips with the tape.
“Just keep your lips closed and we can talk about this tomorrow ok?” She pushed her hand over my lips.
I struggled against her hand but she wouldn’t let go until I nodded my head.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered quietly.
With that, she placed several strips of tape over my lips. She gave me a kiss on the cheek before taking the silk cloth around my neck and retied it over my eyes. I felt her replace the ear plugs in my ear before I was left alone with my thoughts.
This girl meant everything to me at one point. She was my source of happiness, she was my best friend, but do I really deserve her? To hear that she still has feelings for me made me so happy. So incredibly happy, but I don’t want to hurt her again. But with her in my life again, this might be my second chance to turn this all around. I want to do better for her but I want to do better to prove it to myself that I’m worth something. I just needed a little help. This was what I wanted in the first place all that time ago. A second chance.
After a while, I felt a weight on the bed beside me. She pulled the earplugs out of my ear.
“Your apartment is such a mess nowadays, what happened to you?” her soft voice tickling my ear.
“Mmpph” I tried to say sorry. I use to be a clean freak that often got on her case about being sloppy or leaving things out of place but I stopped caring a long time ago.
I felt her shift her weight, she turned my body so that I was facing her before she embraced me in her arms. My head now resting on her shoulder. Her hair was a little damp but she smelled pleasant and clean. I haven’t been held by anyone since we broke up almost 2 years ago. I broke down and started crying under my blindfold. She was so warm, so gentle, and so loving.
“I love you Justin. I hope you can forgive me. You mean so much to me. We can talk more tomorrow, do you still love me?” She said as she wrapped her legs around me as well.
I couldn’t say anything, so in my best attempt, I wiggled closer to her face and planted the best gagged kiss I could on her lips. She giggled before she returned the kiss where my mouth would be.
“My first night with you again, and you always seem to take the blanket all to yourself when we’re in bed together,” she laughed “I guess I just have to hold you to stay warm”
She squeezed me and held me tightly.
“I fucking missed you so much. So so much.” Tiffany whispered in my ear. As we both gradually fell asleep.